Replacing fear with love

If any have read the Secret Garden, you know about the invalid, Colin who stayed in his room all day because he thought he was going to die. Once he learned to see otherwise, he learned to go outside, walk, and find great joy.

“So long as Colin shut himself up in his room and thought only of his fears and weakness and his detestation of people who looked at him and reflected hourly on humps and early death, he was a hysterical half-crazy little hypochondriac who knew nothing of the sunshine and the spring and also did not know that he could get well and could stand upon his feet if he tried to do it. When new beautiful thoughts began to push out the old hideous ones, life began to come back to him, his blood ran healthily through his veins and strength poured into him like a flood. … Much more surprising things can happen to any one who, when a disagreeable or discouraged thought comes into his mind, just has sense to remember in time to push it out by putting in an agreeable determinedly courageous one. Two things cannot be in one place."

The Secret Garden (1987), 338–39.

The one thing, above all else, that can replace fear is love. I had one mom tell me that when she was pregnant she couldn't imagine ever going through that again and she even began to wonder why women go through this in the first place. She ended up having to have a c-section, but when she first heard her baby cry, she understood why mothers continue to choose motherhood. It is difficult to describe the immense amount of joy that fills you as a new baby is born. You know at once that you love this child. I think of that as I begin labor and the fear of pain or other problems come into my mind. I hold onto that. The immense love and joy you feel at having a new child.

I think even those who haven't yet experienced that can find that same love and joy within their own lives and hold onto that. Even if it is only just a hope to feel that love. Hold on to that thougt as fears surround you. Hold onto the thought that there is a perfect love to be realized and let that thought engulf you. It is a nice feeling to think of also that this love I have felt for my children, someone has and still feels for me.

Themes in labor and motherhood

As I have thought and read about this topic, I have found some common themes or steps to have a successful labor. And because I very much see labor as a being connected to motherhood, I think they apply to that also.

With my first child, I attended childbirth preparation classes. Since then I have also read quite extensively on the subject. There are many methods out there that I feel are useful, but for me, I had to find my own way. I took something from everything, but in the end I was the one that had to figure out exactly what worked for me. In my opinion a lot of classes are too confusing. My focus would be on how we internalize our emotions, fears, and struggles during labor, not if we breathe the right way, or relax, or vizualize. So, I have talked with others and thought about my own experiences and have come up with five different areas to think about, understand and internalize as we think about our own labors and on to motherhood. These are, releasing fear, accepting pain, finding control, using support, and finding meaning. I would like to explore these five areas in other posts to come, but for now I just wanted to throw them out.