Defining Motherhood

"Motherhood is giving up the selfish part of ones being so love and knowledge can flow from Mother to child unhindered."*

This was an answer to a question I posted on my facebook group about the defination of a mother.  I have found so often that all a mother is defined as, is one who gives birth to a child. That bugged me.  It's not only that, and it's not even that sometimes.  But I loved this definition of motherhood posted by a friend, and I love the idea it brings in.  

As mothers we give up things, quite a bit.  It seems to me that pregnancy and birth is just the beginning of that journey.  We are pretty much forced to give up many things at this time...looks, comfort, our idea of who we are.  Of course during labor we give up many of those same things, whether it's natural or not.  This is were it starts, this is the beginning of our testing ground or should I say molding ground.  

Of course labor and birth don't have to be experienced to start this process.  I think of couples I know who can't have children.  What kind of molding is going on with them?  What kind of tests are they facing of their own that chips off those selfish ideas within us?  The same goes for those who are trying to adopt.  The fact is, all these things start the process of ridding ourselves of selfish thoughts or desires.  I think it is really up to us to utilize these times to become the mothers we can become.  

I think most people will tell you that by successfully navagating these waters, they have developed love and knowledge which can then be passed down to our children.  Yes, even the pains and difficulties of labor can develop these virtues.  

Of course this is just the beginning.  We continue throughout motherhood to develop these ideals and pass them on to our children.  And hopefully at the end of it all, our love and knowlege will help to define their own love and knowledge in a path that never ends.

*You can find this quote at http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=43960909365&topic=6952

Integrating Pain

As I have talked with different people about pain and how it effects them, I have come to realize how important it is to integrate it into our memories and life experiences.  For me, this blog has been a way of doing this.  As I have reflected on my labor expereinces, I have begun to make the pain I felt a part of who I am.  

This didn't really happen while I was in labor.   The pain of labor didn't hold much meaning for me until I reflected back on it afterwards and asked myself why I even choose to give birth the way I did.  It was while I was doing this that the memory of the pain became sweet and filled with joy rather than fear.  

For me I have done this with my writing, but I have seen it used very successfully with art.  I really feel like this would be useful for those who have especially tramatic experiences or memories filled with fear.  Somehow, using words and art to understand the pain I felt allows me to not only find meaning in it, but accept it as a part of me.  In all honosty, pain is not what I fear most in pregnancy...not that I don't have fears, but the pain was become sweet to me somehow....