Defining Motherhood

"Motherhood is giving up the selfish part of ones being so love and knowledge can flow from Mother to child unhindered."*

This was an answer to a question I posted on my facebook group about the defination of a mother.  I have found so often that all a mother is defined as, is one who gives birth to a child. That bugged me.  It's not only that, and it's not even that sometimes.  But I loved this definition of motherhood posted by a friend, and I love the idea it brings in.  

As mothers we give up things, quite a bit.  It seems to me that pregnancy and birth is just the beginning of that journey.  We are pretty much forced to give up many things at this time...looks, comfort, our idea of who we are.  Of course during labor we give up many of those same things, whether it's natural or not.  This is were it starts, this is the beginning of our testing ground or should I say molding ground.  

Of course labor and birth don't have to be experienced to start this process.  I think of couples I know who can't have children.  What kind of molding is going on with them?  What kind of tests are they facing of their own that chips off those selfish ideas within us?  The same goes for those who are trying to adopt.  The fact is, all these things start the process of ridding ourselves of selfish thoughts or desires.  I think it is really up to us to utilize these times to become the mothers we can become.  

I think most people will tell you that by successfully navagating these waters, they have developed love and knowledge which can then be passed down to our children.  Yes, even the pains and difficulties of labor can develop these virtues.  

Of course this is just the beginning.  We continue throughout motherhood to develop these ideals and pass them on to our children.  And hopefully at the end of it all, our love and knowlege will help to define their own love and knowledge in a path that never ends.

*You can find this quote at http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=43960909365&topic=6952

Emergency Pain Control

I recently had a friend give birth in a very short time with her 6th child.   She had always had epidurals with her other ones, but this one came so fast she wasn't able to.  I then had another good friend mention that maybe it might be good to know how do deal with pain in a situation like this, so I thought I'd do a post on it.  

First off, if you ever find yourself in a situation where your epidual isn't working, you are waiting to get to the hospital, or your waiting for an epidural, the quicker you accept the fact that you are in pain and are going to be in pain, the better.  Holding on to frustration, anger, or ill-will will only prolong the pain and make it worse.  

Of course this is easier said than done, especially if it is at the last moment.  The best thing to do is go into labor knowing that things may not go as expected and plan for that.  Then at least it won't be quite so difficult to let go of some of those negative feelings.  

Another thing to remember is water and heat are your friends.  Water is often times refered to as a midwifes epidural.  While it does not take the pain away.  It definately decreases the sensation of pain and allows you to deal with it better.  If you are able to, hop in the shower or bath.  Also, using heat on your abdomen or lower back is another great help.  If you are at home, get an old sock, fill it with rice, microwave it so it's hot and then have someone else place in on your lower back, and push hard on the back with it during a contraction.

Deep breathing is also a great help.  There are numerous ways to work breathing into your labor, but some of them take more practice.  The easiest way to do this in an emergancy, is to just breath deeply.  As you do this focus more on the breath than the contraction and as you breath out focus on relaxing your face, arm, and leg muscles.  

If you possibley can, DO NOT give birth on your back.  It increases how much pain you feel by a lot.  It may sound weird or awkward to give birth in any other position, but trust me, on the back  is by far the worst position to be in.  I've experienced it both ways and there was a huge difference.  

If at all possible, get someone who has birthed without medication there with you.  It helps to have someone there that has been through it and can tell you if what you are feeling in normal or not, or just talk you through contractions while someone else is rushing around trying to get the needle in the right place, or call the paramedics.  

Ok...that's the down and dirty about emergency pain control.  It won't take it away, but all these things will allow you to work with your contractions more instead of fighting them, which makes the whole situation much worse.  And remember women have been doing this for thousands of years....you can do it.  It's not even about who is strong enough or not...sometimes you just have to.  Hopefully this can help make it the best possible situation it can be.

Alright, I'm on to a different topic....I think I'll talk about motherhood and sacrifice in the next post.  We'll see.

Integrating Pain

As I have talked with different people about pain and how it effects them, I have come to realize how important it is to integrate it into our memories and life experiences.  For me, this blog has been a way of doing this.  As I have reflected on my labor expereinces, I have begun to make the pain I felt a part of who I am.  

This didn't really happen while I was in labor.   The pain of labor didn't hold much meaning for me until I reflected back on it afterwards and asked myself why I even choose to give birth the way I did.  It was while I was doing this that the memory of the pain became sweet and filled with joy rather than fear.  

For me I have done this with my writing, but I have seen it used very successfully with art.  I really feel like this would be useful for those who have especially tramatic experiences or memories filled with fear.  Somehow, using words and art to understand the pain I felt allows me to not only find meaning in it, but accept it as a part of me.  In all honosty, pain is not what I fear most in pregnancy...not that I don't have fears, but the pain was become sweet to me somehow....