The worth of our children

This blog has been good for me. I have enjoyed contemplating my birth and mothering experiences, but the most notable benefit for me has been how I view my children. I have had to reflect on how I see myself, my children, and my role as a mother. I have thought deeply about why I choose to experience pain, and the difficulties of childbirth and motherhood. People have often asked me why in the world I would make these choices...and now I feel like I have found a reason and some meaning.

I'm watching my children now as they are enjoying the view of a cement truck in our backyard. I would not choose to give up the pains and difficulties I've experienced if it meant not having them here. I find so much joy in them.

Women had much harder choices to make when they had children 100 years ago. They faced death and heartache a lot more than we do now. That would be really hard to find meaning in. There must just be something with these little ones of ours that make it worth while. That's something to really think about...

A different strength

Normally when we talk about strength and birth, we picture a woman braving it through the pains of labor, but I wanted to talk about a different kind of strength this time. Sometimes, when things don't go as planned, I see a look of defeat and hopelessness on the mothers part. Many times this happens when they are told that they are just not dilating enough and need a c-section. What amazes me though is how they move forward.

They move forward by continuing to even want to bear children. They shoulder their responsibility and don't let their trials pull them down. You can't tell me that a mother who goes through 24 hours of labor to only get a c-section is not brave or strong. Because they are. What is even neater is to see the ones who break out and decide that they will take charge of their next birth. They will seek other options. They will fight for what they believe to be their choices and options. The defeat is often turned into a victory that way.

It is my opinion that just choosing to carry and bear children requires a certain kind of strength in and of itself, regardless of how that baby arrives here. And then to continue to do so afterwards, once consequences and attitudes are in place, is even braver. I only wish those that feel defeated could see how truly strong they really are.

A new level of ten

At the hospital we have a pain rating system: 0 is no pain, and 10 is the worst pain. I had a mother come in last night with a pain level of 10. A little while later when asked about her pain level, she said she had reached a new level of 10. It got me to thinking about how the pain we experience gives us new levels of tens. Not just in labor, but as mothers also.

Labor is a good example of how we overcome those times and draw meaning from them. And I can tell you now, it is not done alone. Or at least, it is much easier if not done alone. One of the things I value most about my labor experience was how my relationship with my husband was affected. I think it really helped draw us closer together. I thought it was really tender to watch these new parents I worked with, come together to overcome a new level of ten. I loved being a part of that also as I helped to calm and reassure a new mom.

I think we all hit new levels of tens in our lives. I think it helps to have someone to hold onto. I think we also need to keep in mind that we should be reaching out also to help someone else with their new levels of ten. Then maybe those tens will seem more bearable.

I'm a busy blogger

I am starting to blog on another web site in addition to this one. It is called Utah childbirth directory. It is mainly for those who are looking for direct entry midwifes or other birthing alternatives in the Utah area. But if you are interested you can find me every Thurs. at http://utahchildbirth.com/?cat=32. I am mostly looking at finding meaning in our births.

Connecting

My sister in law has recently been having a more difficult pregnancy due to placenta previa, and it got me thinking about not so normal births-ones where we have problems, with mom or baby. Albeit 90% of the time, there is no problem, but that 10% can sure be hard to wade through much less think about what sort of meaning there can be in it.

As I was thinking about this, though, I was impressed by the amount of support that is needed for a mom like this. You have the medical community, of course, but you also have family, friends, spouse, and many others that help to cradle that mom who is experiencing difficulties. In a sense, that mom is surrounded by a nest of those around her to help her cope and overcome.

There is something different to gain in an experience like this..it has more to do with community and support for a new mom. While they can be difficult at times, it is nice to see these connections happen. And I'm not sure they would have otherwise.

New Art Exhibit Site

In trying to keep all the peices I have in some sort of order, I have put them in their own blog.  I have some new photos from Tamra Hyde at http://journeyofbirth.blogspot.com/.  I will be putting all the other ones over there soon.  Hopefully this will help with the mess:)