The Beginning of Motherhood

Guest Post-Cherylyn Douglas:My Birth Transformation

2009-11-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

I credit my mother for instilling in me a desire to give birth naturally, without pain medication. She was having babies in a time when women were being confined to bed and separated from their husbands, and even being knocked out with ether or chloroform during labor and having their babies delivered by doctors with forceps. Often they would wake with no memory of birth and wonder if they had a boy or a girl. My mom felt strongly that birth is a natural process and she could do this without the medical interventions of the day. She took Lamaze classes with my dad and went on to give birth to 6 healthy babies, each without pain medication other than a paracervical injection to numb the cervix for the pushing stage. She spoke openly about this with me and my sister when we were growing up, and I wanted to have that experience for myself.

When I was pregnant with my first baby my husband and I took a childbirth class at the local county health department and they taught us some basic breathing techniques and comfort measures. However, the majority of the class was dedicated to educating us about the actual function of birth, complete with diagrams and charts and explanations of the stages of labor and when to go to the hospital. I joined online birthing websites and read books and tried to educate myself as much as possible about birth. I felt if I could be well-informed then there was no need to be afraid. Unfortunately, I was still not prepared for what I would experience.

My water broke spontaneously and I had no noticeable contractions. Of course, I had been told to immediately go to the hospital if my water broke, so I did as I had been told to do. The hospital staff immediately started me on pitocin to get my labor going. It was a long, hard battle. The pitocin did indeed get my labor going, but it also made the labor so intense and difficult that I didn't know how to handle it. I forgot everything I had learned in our childbirth class about breathing and working with the contractions. I had told myself that I wanted to birth naturally, but if it got too hard then I would get the epidural, and that's exactly what happened. The epidural slowed my labor, and then the baby's heartbeat was erratic. The doctor explained that they would stop the pitocin to give the baby a break from the onslaught of contractions and give him some time to recover. They would then start the pitocin again and see if my labor would progress after that. He used the dreaded c-word and explained that if my labor did not progress at that point, they would do surgery. My greatest fear was materializing and I was terrified. I cried, and my family comforted me.

Thankfully, the plan worked and a c-section was not necessary. My epidural wore off just in time to start pushing, and I went from feeling completely numb to feeling absolutely EVERYTHING. I was not prepared for that kind of pain, and I endured it for 90 minutes while I pushed my baby out. It was traumatic. He was born in the middle of the night, healthy, after a full day of hard labor, and we were both exhausted. The nurses told me they would take the baby to the nursery so that I could rest, and I complied because I thought they knew best. I slept fitfully, and then woke up around 6am in a panic without my baby! I paged the nurses and had them bring him in immediately, and I did not calm down until he was with me. Breastfeeding was a challenge because he was so sleepy. I hadn't had the chance to establish breastfeeding immediately after birth and the baby was tired and sluggish, and I didn't know what I was doing! The lactation consultant was not helpful, but thankfully we figured it out and I went on to breastfeed my son for over a year.

Three years later I was pregnant with my second child, and I had decided that childbirth was just too much for me to handle without an epidural. When my doctor told me we could schedule an induction, I thought it was wonderful that we could plan it out and know when the baby would be born! I didn't know anything other than induction and epidural, and this was my way of taking control of the situation. It was a wonderful experience, and I remember chatting and laughing with my husband and the obstetrician while I was pushing. It was 4 ½ hours from the time they started the pitocin until my beautiful baby boy was born, compared to over 14 hours with my first. I was in a smaller community hospital this time, and the atmosphere was calmer and I felt I got more attention from the staff. I was able to hold my baby very soon after he was born, after the staff had checked him out and weighed and measured him. I had him latched on and breastfeeding before the doctor even left the room. I didn't like how long it took for my epidural wore off after he was born. I wanted to be able to move around and enjoy my baby and the birth being over, and that was an annoyance.

Two years passed and I was expecting our third baby. My husband, Matthew was in massage therapy school and he worked at the front desk of a massage clinic. He told me that one of the therapists there was a doula and she wanted to work with me and provide support for me at the baby's birth. I didn't know what a doula was, but I wanted to talk with her because I had many questions and I thought maybe she could help me. Mandy and I immediately bonded. I told her I had always wanted to give birth without medication but I didn't know how to do it! She told me she would help, and she answered all of my questions and helped me feel at ease about approaching birth in a new way. She helped me write a birth plan, outlining my wishes for childbirth. I realized that I had choices and could let the doctor and hospital staff know how I wanted to handle things rather than let them take the lead and tell me what to do. My obstetrician was very open to my wishes and willing to work with me, and I checked with hospital policies to ensure that my desires were feasible within their limitations.

I didn't know what to expect because I had never experienced my body starting labor on its own. I was sent home from the hospital three times because I wasn't progressing enough to be admitted, but I was determined not to be induced. I had early labor for about two days, and Mandy taught me how to breathe with the contractions and work with my body. The third time I was sent home from the hospital I decided to go home and sleep. My labor stopped for about a day, and I rested as much as I could. The next morning, my water broke while I was in bed, and Mandy met up with us at the hospital. It was beautiful! Because of the practice I'd had with my early labor, I knew how to breathe and focus.

Mandy and Matt worked together to provide comfort measures for me, including acupressure points and counter pressure on my hips, knees and lower back. I wasn't hooked up to an IV pole or monitors, and I could move around as I wanted to, leaning on the birth ball or walking around. I even got into the tub in my room for a little while, but it was too shallow to give me much comfort. I focused through the contractions and enjoyed the company of my husband and my doula between them. Only once during transition did I feel I couldn't do it, and Mandy told me “You ARE doing it!” She kept me focused and helped me through it all, and the hard part was relatively short. My healthy baby boy was born within a few hours of arriving at the hospital, and I felt like a super hero! I was energetic and happy, and I had never before experienced such euphoria after giving birth. I was able to breastfeed my baby immediately after his birth, and we spend some quiet time with him in our room without any interruptions from hospital staff. The nurses were very curious and asked me which birth method I preferred (epidural or no medication) and I told them I would do natural birth again without a doubt!

When I got pregnant with my fourth baby, I knew what I wanted. I had been permanently converted to unmedicated birth. My husband had a client who was a home birth midwife, and she offered her services if I wanted to have my baby at home. I politely declined, explaining that I had my OB, my doula, and my birth plan and I knew what I wanted. This time I was determined not to be sent home from the hospital, and I intentionally labored as long as possible at home. Again I had two days of early labor, and the labor stopped for a few hours while I attended my baby shower and then started up again later that night. My husband and I were watching TV, and when I got up to use the bathroom I felt a leak. I told him that either I had wet myself or my water had broken.

We called Mandy and made arrangements to meet her at the hospital. I was admitted in the middle of the night and labored for a few hours, using focused breathing and trying to rest between contractions. The doctor arrived in the morning and suggested that he could break my water to get labor going faster. It turned out the leaking I had was a forebag and not the actual bag of waters. I was ready to have a baby, so I agreed and he ruptured the bag. After that things went quickly and our beautiful baby girl was born within a few hours. Once again my husband and my doula worked together to give me the support I needed, and it was a wonderful, empowering experience. The baby latched on immediately and we bonded. My baby was beautiful, and I was thrilled to finally have a little girl, but there was a subtle nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I felt like something was missing.

When my daughter was still a newborn I decided to become a birth doula. I wanted to help other women as my doula had helped me. I felt she was indispensable in my achieving the beautiful natural birth experience I had always wanted. I started reading all the required books and took the doula training. I couldn't get enough information about birth! I watched The Business of Being Born, and learned that some women still safely give birth at home rather than at a hospital. Within a year I found I was pregnant, expecting my fifth child. I felt that I had some different choices to make, and I started thinking about planning a home birth. I researched it and thought about it and prayed about it. I felt peace, and it was a wonderful overwhelming peace. I knew I wanted to have this baby at home.

I called the midwife whose services I had declined for my daughter's birth, and started going to regular prenatal visits with her. I went to my obstetrician's office a few times during the pregnancy for certain things like an ultrasound, blood work and screenings, but the rest of my prenatal care was provided by my midwife. I trusted her and her 15 years of experience with home birth. I also met her birth attendants who were all doulas and midwives.

I had early labor, on and off, for over a week. I was anxious to meet my baby, but I had to practice more patience than ever before. I used the time to prepare things in our home for the birth. Four days past the due date, my midwife brought the birthing tub to our house and did a brief check for the baby's heartbeat, with my four children watching. Later that evening, my contractions were coming closer together and stronger. My midwife came over and set things up and we settled in to have a baby. I was focusing and breathing through the contractions and leaning on my birth ball. I labored in the bed and rested between contractions, and in the birth tub immersed in water up to my neck. The water dissolved the discomfort of the contractions and my husband pressed acupressure points while I breathed through them. We chatted with the midwife and enjoyed the quiet and peaceful atmosphere. I have never experienced such peace in the hospital.

As things progressed, a second midwife came to assist, and she cleaned my kitchen and helped get the kids settled when they started waking up in the morning. At one point while I was resting in bed, my water broke in a small leak and my midwife ruptured the bag the rest of the way. The kids went to play at grandma's house and things really picked up! We called the two oldest boys to come home and I as I was pushing we realized the baby was coming out breech! His bottom was coming out first. I was in the birth tub, and it felt really good to stretch my body out as I pushed. His bottom came out, then one leg, and then the other leg. Then his torso was delivered, followed by an arm, and then the other arm. And then, as my 6 year-old described it, “he put the hands and the feet on the bum cheeks, and he pushed his head out!” I only pushed for a few minutes, and my beautiful baby boy was here! He was healthy and perfect. I held him in the tub with me for a couple of minutes before the midwives helped me out to deliver the placenta, and then into bed. We cuddled and bonded as a family, and our oldest son cut the umbilical cord.

I've realized since my home birth that if I had planned a hospital birth for my breech baby, it would have ended in a cesarean section. If that was the only benefit of having him at home, it was definitely worth it, but there were many other blessings of having our baby at home as well.

I don't consider my home birth to have been a painful birth. I felt intense pain with my hospital births, and there were moments of discomfort during my home birth but never what I would describe as pain. I think it had to do with the peace I felt and the confidence I had gained from my previous birth experiences. I am no longer the meek woman willing to submit to whatever the doctor tells me I should do. I know exactly what I want and how to achieve my goals. I know what I am capable of, and I feel stronger than I ever have in my life.

I used to regret my earlier birth experiences, wishing I had experienced unmedicated birth from the first rather than the traumatic experience it was. Now I'm grateful for those earlier experiences for the way they've shaped me as a person and as a mother. My first birth experience was an important catalyst in motivating me to find a better way for me to give birth. I don't feel that there is one birth choice that is best for every woman, but I hope that each woman can know that birth is beautiful and empowering, and if you don't experience it that way then find out how you can.

Experiencing support

2009-11-12T10:46:00.000-08:00

"Last night I had a dream that I was laboring in a strange place with people I didn't know, and I had no doula or midwife to support me... not even my husband. Some strange man was telling me what to do. THAT was scary"*

I'm afraid that too many birthing women have this experience. I have found it to be so important that we give women a better experience than that. In fact, one of Lamaze International's healthy birth practices is continuous support. You can read their recommendations regarding this at this link: Healthy Birth Practice #3

Some of my favorite experiences have centered around being supported and providing support during labor. I thought I'd compile some of my posts centered around support and post them. So here they are for those who are interested.

http://thebeginningofmotherhood.blogspot.com/search/label/support

*This dream was sent to me by a friend of mine. You can find her blog at http://mamasandbabies.blogspot.com/

The joys we choose

2009-10-29T02:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm sitting here at 4am after waking up with a fussy child, and I can't go back to sleep. As a result, I think...maybe a little too much:) I wonder about the wonderful children we have and what makes them so beautiful to me. How can I love something so much that gives me so much anguish sometimes? It is difficult to explain to someone the joys of motherhood who just doesn't see it the same way you do. It's so easy to make a list of the horrible things about being a mom.....no sleep, no thank-you, giving constantly, working to keep things together, mentally exhausted, tantrums, fights....the list could go on and on, So, why in the world do I choose to do this.

Here's one reason why....the other night my daughter came to me in tears....bawling...asking me to please not get mad at her. I gave her a hug and told her no matter what happened I would always love her. So she told me the horrible news. She had LIED to me:) (I had known about this..she is actually a pretty good liar). And she felt horrible. She couldn't sleep at all because she had been thinking about it. And I....I wanted to jump up and shout for joy. I was so happy that she 1) felt like she was safe and could confess this to me, 2) understood that what she did was wrong 3) something I was teaching her was getting through to her. Funny, the joys of motherhood huh, but I had to pull myself together and actually think of a punishment for her:) We hugged and talked and enjoyed just being with each other after that. But even the joy of that story can't put it all into words about the joy that comes from motherhood.

I often feel the same way about birth and pregnancy. I think we all know the list of things that is difficult with that one. But here's the cool thing....you are creating life. Life. A sacred child, that you soon learn to love and adore, is growing and starting it's life within your own. With each day of pain, nausea, exhaustion, loss of self and sleep, a new life is being formed and we are allowed to be a part of that. That amazes me.

And to me, the fact that we are giving birth, is more important than how we give birth. My experience of natural child birth, has made me reflect more on that than anything, but I don't think it should be exclusive to giving birth without drugs. I wonder though, if the power of birth and life would mean as much to me if I hadn't given birth naturally. I understand pain so differently now, as well as sacrifice...would that have changed? I'll never know. We live the lives we've chosen. But all I can say is, I'm grateful to be a mother, and I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned through the trials of pregnancy, labor, birth, and motherhood. I'm grateful for the joys of bringing life into this world and the joys of continuing to shape and mold those lives. It's indescribable.

H1N1 and hospital safety

2009-10-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

I am doing my own independent research. The CDC is now recommending that infants be removed from their mothers who after birth whose mothers are showing symptoms of H1N1. See link here:http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/guidance/obstetric.htm"Place the ill mother in isolation after delivery (http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/guidelines_infection_control.htm). The mother who has influenza-like-illness (http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/casedef.htm) at delivery should consider avoiding close contact with her infant until the following conditions have been met: she has received antiviral medications for 48 hours, her fever has fully resolved, and she can control coughs and secretions. Meeting these conditions may reduce, but not eliminate, the risk of transmitting influenza to the baby. Before these conditions are met, the newborn should be cared for in a separate room by another person who is well, and the mother should be encouraged and assisted to express her milk. Breast milk is not thought to be a potential source of influenza virus infections. As soon as all conditions are met, the mother should be encouraged to wear a facemask, change to a clean gown or clothing, adhere to strict hand hygiene and cough etiquette when in contact with her infant, and begin breastfeeding (or if not able to breastfeed, bottle feeding). She should continue these protective measures, both in the hospital setting and at home, for at least 7 days after the onset of influenza symptoms (http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/guidance_homecare.htm#c). If symptoms last more than 7 days, she should discuss the symptoms with her doctor. Protective measures might need to be continued until she is symptom-free for 24 hours. People who are once again well 7 days after getting sick are thought to be at low risk for transmitting the virus to others."
I am wanting to know if this is really necessary. I would like to look at three groups of women 1)those who have symptoms and have been isolated from their baby but cont. to feed breast milk 2) those who have had no symptoms, were given baby within 2 hours after birth and breastfed 3) those who have no symptoms, but were not with baby within 2 hours after birth and breastfed or expressed milk for infants. All of these should be full terms infants (37-42 weeks) . They can be born at the hospital, or alternative birthing area.
I am hoping to follow these babies for six months to see if who is getting sick. In order for this to be a valid study, I need as many moms as possible to participate, so please e-mail this to friends and family. I will be reposting this every month, just to see if their are new people who are interested. I will also be doing this until the flu season is over. Thanks, Rachelwww.thebeginningofmotherhood.blogspot.comrachel.leavitt@gmail.com

So what position should I be in anyways?.....

2009-10-27T20:40:00.000-07:00

This post comes from a question about positions during the pushing stage of labor. In one of my previous posts http://thebeginningofmotherhood.blogspot.com/2009/02/emergency-pain-control.html, I mentioned how you should not give birth laying on your back. So, if that's the case, what position can you push in? Answer: just about any position but that one:)

Here's the extended answer:)

It has been shown that being in an upright position helps to decrease the amount of pushing time, decrease the amount of tears, and decrease the amount of instrument deliveries. These positions include squatting, sitting, and on your hands and knees. There are good things and bad things about all of these. Obviously squatting would get tiresome, but if you have good help, they can help support you from behind. Hands and knees can also get tiresome, but it is one of the best positions to turning baby into the right position. You can also use a birthing stool to sit on, or if you are at the hospital, get the bed positioned to help support you sitting up. This is one of my favorite positions.

For those who have epidurals, or are just plain exhausted, the side-lying position has been shown to help. Essentially you have one leg raised while you are pushing on your side. With an epidural, you can also have the head of the bed raised to allow you to be more upright. Just make sure you are fully up and not just half way as this will decrease the space in your pelvis.

A good book to look at for positioning is Penny Simkins book, Labor Progress. She does a wonderful job of explaining different positions throughout the labor and why you would use them.

If you feel a need to be in any kind of position, I would stick with that. Many times, a woman's body can tell how they need to be to help move that baby down. Your biggest hindrance will be with medical staff that aren't used to these positions. I would make it clear from the get go that you want to push differently. Talk to your doctor about this also. Some are fine with doing whatever, and others are pretty stuck in the lying on the back mode.

I also had a question about doula's. First off, I'll say that I never had a doula, but probably could have used one. I have a wonderful supportive husband, but I feel like a doula who has been trained and been to many births, has experiences that neither I nor my husband had had at the time. Plus a doula allows the husband to take breaks when needed. A good doula will help the husband in his supportive role. I also think that there is something different about how men and women think, and having a women's support along with your husbands would make a difference.

Studies on doula's have shown that women who use doula's have shorter pushing times, less instrument deliveries, and breastfeed longer(Journal Of Obstetric, Gynecologic, And Neonatal Nursing: JOGNN / NAACOG [J Obstet Gynecol Neonatal Nurs] 2009 Mar-Apr; Vol. 38 (2), pp. 157-73.).

I would interview them first to see if they would fit well with what you want to do and how you feel about things. If you plan on having a hospital birth, I would also try and find a doula that has worked well with the medical staff in the past. If money is an issue, try and request a nurse that has had natural birth experience. Sometimes, you can get a nurse to help with the labor support if needed.

References:

The Journal Of The American Osteopathic Association [J Am Osteopath Assoc] 2006 Apr; Vol. 106 (4), pp. 199-202.

The Journal Of Perinatal Education: An ASPO/Lamaze Publication [J Perinat Educ] 2006 Fall; Vol. 15 (4), pp. 6-9.

Journal Of Obstetric, Gynecologic, And Neonatal Nursing: JOGNN / NAACOG [J Obstet Gynecol Neonatal Nurs] 1997 Nov-Dec; Vol. 26 (6), pp. 727-34.

Empowering home birth

2009-10-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

"Home birth is very empowering. I did something joyfully that most women dread. They don't believe me when I say I'd rather give birth than see the dentist. With each birth, as I took more control and made the decisions, I grew up. I can make hard decisions and I can do hard things. It's probably the best therapy I ever had because it came from within and helped me realize who I am"

This was from a woman who wrote her experience to a group I am a part of.

Acceptance

2009-10-25T20:54:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with my first child, a local birth center was recommended to me. I had never thought about different childbirth options, but thought it might be a good way to go and see what birth was like without an epidural. I went into birth, knowing full well that I would feel pain, but I accepted that. Of course, I didn't understand at that point what that really felt like, but there was a sense of peace in that decision for me. I wasn't adamant about how I wanted my birth to be, I just let it unfold with all the mystery that it held.

After that birth, I knew three things: 1) childbirth did hurt:) 2) it was hard work, 3) it was something I was capable of doing. I found great satisfaction with my birth, even though it was painful, and because of this I realized that joy, happiness, and contentment are not related to the amount of pain we feel.

I found this quote in a book I've read that describes difficulties in life, but I feel like it relates quite well to how I've viewed the pain of childbirth.

"Life is difficult...Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters" (From the Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck).

The pain of childbirth is, of course, something we must all come to terms with, and we all deal with it in different ways. I would just hope that we can find room to allow it to help us grow, no matter how we choose to deal with it.

H1N1

2009-10-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

I got a few questions sent to me, so I thought I'd post them here as I'm sure a lot of people are wondering about these things.

"What are the hospitals doing to protect mothers and babies from H1N1?"

To the dismay of many, hospitals all over are limiting visitors and not letting children into LD units. While this may seem harsh, one of the biggest problems at hospitals is infections. If you are choosing to have your baby at a hospital, I think that this is a good way to limit the amount of germs that are spread around. At the hospital I work at, they are making anyone who comes in with flu symptoms put on a mask. They are also trying to keep the sick moms in a completely different area than those who are not sick. I work for a corporation that owns three hospitals in my area. If there was to be a huge outbreak, one of those hospitals is designated as the sick hospital. I would assume that those who are caring for sick patients will only be with sick patients. That means that if someone is healthy, they won't get a nurse that is also taking care of someone who is sick. If someone is sick, the nurse is required to put on a gown, gloves, and mask. While I didn't really want to be vaccinated:), all the nurse were required to be. As you can spread the virus before symptoms show up, I was ok with that.

Do you think there is an increased risk to newborns in the hospital because of this outbreak?

Anytime there is virus' and germs around, newborns are at risk. As there are many people coming and going at the hospital, there are more germs there. That has always been the case though. Chances are, with the way this virus is spreading, the newborn would be exposed to it pretty much anywhere. The problem with hospital bugs, though, is the mom hasn't had a chance to develop an immunity to it and thus pass it on to baby. At home, the mom is exposed to all the germs there and has passed on the antibodies to her infant already. Therefore, I couldn't say for sure if there is an increased risk. I think it would depend on what is already in your community. As far as I know, though, no newborns have died from this virus thus far.

What would you suggest (to help prevent infection)?

Breastfeed!:) Whatever mom's body produces to fight off the virus will be passed on the infant. Try and get a good first feeding in. Colostrum is amazing stuff. I would also make sure that whoever walks in that room with mom and baby are washing their hands or using hand sanitizer. Make sure your nurses and doctors do this too. I personally would also keep baby with you as much as possible instead of taking it out to be exposed to others germs. I would ask for the nurses to do all the stuff they need to do in the moms room. I'm not sure if this would be accepted, but it wouldn't hurt to ask. I just think that limiting the exposure of baby to other people would be the best thing in the hospital. Moms should also make sure they are getting enough to eat and are limiting their stress. These things make a huge difference in our ability to fight off disease. I know these aren't used that much, but I think a post partum doula would be so helpful with this.

Now here's the tricky part for mom in labor...fear and stress can lead to a more difficult labor, therefore, I feel like it is essential that we don't let these emotions take us over. Just know that there are always things we can do and have control over, and there are somethings we can't control. The trick is learning to do what you can and letting the rest go.

Addendum

2009-10-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

I accidental published that last post. I had just written it down as a thought to look at later:) But since it's out, I thought about and wrote more...just so those who follow me know...it's now ready to read:)

Humanistic birth

2009-10-17T15:44:00.001-07:00

"Women are not seeking “designer” births. They are looking for humanistic care during pregnancy, labor and birth and are increasingly having difficulty finding that in many hospitals."*

Sorry, I posted this one as just a thought to myself to be saved later to mull over. So, I'll go ahead and do my thinking now since I already put it out there:) I saw this quote and started asking myself, "what is humanistic care"? And what is it that women are seeking in birth anyways? We all go in with specific expectations. Some want more natural births, some want a whole planned out script, some just want to get that baby out however it comes. But I think all of us want to be treated with dignity and respect. We would all like to think that our thoughts and ideas matter to those taking care of us.

Labor is a hard one to do this with, though. Things can happen so fast, and many people that you don't know are suddenly around you. I feel like often times, the emotional roller coaster that mom is going through is sometimes over looked. Sometimes, it's just the touch of a hand, or the calm quiet voice that we need the most. Speaking as a nurse, we may not like all the moms we are serving, but I have come to the conclusion, that we need to learn to not only like them, but to love them. A more humanistic experience means a lot more work, a lot more learning, and a lot more focus on the needs of moms and babies. And it is definitely not something to just shove to the side as a good idea...it is absolutely necessary for us to understand that birth needs to be surrounded by loving and caring people.

*http://www.nhregister.com/articles/2009/10/15/opinion/doc4ad699e65861c085403314.txt

Positive birth image

2009-10-15T22:55:00.000-07:00

I thought this is a great look at what a birth can look like. I think we get too many negative images, so I wanted to share this one.

We were born together

2009-10-14T21:33:00.000-07:00

"My mother was me and I thought that on the day I was born, we were born together".

I came across this quote awhile ago, but apologize as I don't remember where I found it. I thought this was an interesting idea about how birth is really the birth of both the mother and the baby.

In this life, we do all sorts of changing and learning and growing. I feel like there is nothing, though, that compares with the change we go through as we delve into motherhood. Nothing so completely takes over your life, or so completely changes your ideas of what joy and sorrow are. As I remember my own births and the births of the women I take care of, I recognize this as a time of transformation. This is where we begin the process of discovering what motherhood really means to us.

You're Never Alone

2009-10-11T10:40:00.002-07:00

I felt like this video has a lot of meaning for going

through different trials in our lives. I felt like it

could also be applied to how we view our births.

Obviously, for those who are religious, it has a

different meaning. I also believe, though, that it holds

meaning beyond that. When we are faced with

trials, it helps so much to feel like we are supported,

that someone is there for us, and that we have

some idea of the blessings that we will receive at

the end of our labor. I find it interesting, also, that

when I speak with women about their labors, support

is one of the things they found most helpful. That is

was either the percieved lack of support, or the

support they recieved, that made a difference in

how they felt during their labor. I think at times, that

is what makes the difference in many aspects in

our lives.

Guest Post-Carol Van Der Woude

2009-10-07T08:36:00.000-07:00

After working in the hospital as a labor and delivery nurse for many years,

I began assisting at homebirths. My experience with homebirth enabled me to see the intuitive wisdom of a woman in labor. I learned to shift from the attitude of managing labor to one of supporting labor.

The difference came in observing carefully (without intervening), listening and offering encouragement. Sometimes I made suggestions, offered massage, or nourishment. I learned that many women had an inner sense of what they needed to do.

I learned to read signals given by contraction patterns and pain. A midwife, a nurse or a doula can enhance a woman’s ability to work with her labor. Then the work of labor takes on an intense but amazing rhythm. I tried to capture this in my poem, Morning Light.

A spiritual birth

2009-09-28T09:15:00.000-07:00

"This was a new nursing role,
A change in jobs
Moving from a hospital unit
To assist birth at home.

Labor pains came gently
Through the night.
A skylight streamed morning light
As she labored in a rocking chair.

Her labor intensified.
She walked, groaned, clutched my arm.
Glad for my presence and
Words of encouragement.

I supported her work,
Noticing her intuitive movements.
I assisted her position changes
And massaged her back.

She knelt down and asked me to pray.
In the hospital we offered an epidural
Or a syringe of narcotic.
She asked me to pray.

" I prayed as she moaned

And released her body to waves of pain and pressure.
Her cries filled the air.
Her body pushed.

The doctor placed a supportive hand
On the emerging baby girl.
And lifted her to welcome arms.
The baby nuzzled her mother's breast.

I recorded the time of birth
And offered orange juice.
Morning light evolved to afternoon glow.
I marvelled at God's design." *

This is how I wish every birth could be. I don't think a birth like this can only happen at home, or without an epidural, or with only the religious. Births like happen when women have the support they need and a recognition that there can be meaning in birth. In this poem, you notice that both the nurse and doctor were attentive to the emotional needs of the women as well as the medical needs. This is what needs to happen.

*http://www.carolvanderwoude.authorweblog.com/default.asp?date=new&do=PAGE&pid=2107

To Receive

2009-09-22T21:48:00.000-07:00

I love how I have heard some midwives describe their involvement in the birth process. They say "I received a baby today". What a beautiful way of describing your involvement in the birth process. I think it has helped me to understand my own role. When I am with a woman birthing, I am also receiving something beyond the baby. I am gaining insight, a connection, and a relationship that would not have otherwise existed. I feel a deep sense of gratitude to help receive babies into this world.

New Artist

2009-09-16T21:37:00.000-07:00

I've got some new photos up on my art gallery. Check it out at http://journeyofbirth.blogspot.com/2009/09/emily-weaver-brown.

New link

2009-09-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

http://www.nursingdegree.net/blog/54/50-best-blogs-for-neonatal-nurses/

Just thought I'd let you all know I added this link under my resources page. It's full of lots of good info for anyone(not just nurses).

Birth Stories

2009-09-09T21:48:00.000-07:00

As part of these birthing classes I am putting together, I want to have a day set aside to honor the woman who is becoming a mother. During this class I would love to be able to share positive birth stories that help uplift and inspire. As such, I would love if anyone would like to contribute to this. I have a few questions that I would like for anyone to answer. They are questions that are posed by Pan England in Birthing From Within.

1. What helped you most when you gave birth?

2. What was your spiritual experience of giving birth?

3. Is there anything you would do differently?

4. What do you wish you had known before hand?

5. If you could do it over again, what do you wish you could do the same?

You could answer one of these or all.

Learning to love

2009-09-01T11:01:00.000-07:00

"Motherhood is an immense responsibility. In my opinion, it is the most overwhelming, meaningful, incredible, transforming experience of a lifetime. No wonder it produces such emotional and physical change!"*

I don't remember feeling as much joy as I did at the birth of my first child. But I also feel like afterwards was one of the tougher times I've had mentally. Having a child is not for the weak minded. It is so hard to adjust to having another little body around that depends on you completely. I have also felt like it has taught me a lot also. Never before have I understood what it meant to be selfless, to sacrifice, to give of yourself so completely when you sometimes have very little to give. I have also learned how important it is to take care of myself. If you are empty, then you really have nothing to give. Of course this is something that I am still working on, but I appreciate the opportunity that motherhood has given me to learn to love, not only another little being, but also to love myself.

*From Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0071398856.php?nid=148&isbn=0071398856

Birthing without fear

2009-08-25T13:15:00.000-07:00

I am starting to pull together some outline for a childbirth preparation class centered around finding meaning in birth and motherhood. You can find my beginning outline at http://rachelleavitt.wordpress.com/.

The motherhood project

2009-08-25T12:31:00.001-07:00

Here's a link I came across for those who are wanting to add a little bit to our research knowledge out there about women, motherhood, and birth.

http://www.headandbelly.org/

Stories of Empowerment-necessary c-section

2009-08-21T15:00:00.000-07:00

I wanted to do a series of stories on empowerment. I specifically wanted to include stories from all sorts of births. This first one is from a woman who eventually had a c-section, but found empowerment in what happened.

"I listened to a story from a woman who had a baby a few weeks past her due date. She had been having contractions for weeks, but no baby to show for it. On the day of her labor induction, she put all of her trust and faith into her body and her midwife. And on the next day, and the next day, and the next day… She labored for days, but was never afraid, never lost faith, and never feared what her body was preparing her for because a midwife was by her side the entire time. When she was wheeled into the operating room for a c-section, she felt empowered, because she had done everything she could to give her body a chance to give birth, and this was the logical next step. She was so grateful to her midwife for advocating for her and helping to make sure she and her baby stayed healthy"*.

*http://mybestbirth.ning.com/profiles/blogs/wheres-my-midwife-week-2

Motherhood and love

2009-08-21T04:15:00.000-07:00

I took a bath today for the first time since I was laboring with the last of my children. As I sat there I recalled memories of my labors and soaking in the water to help relieve the pain. I realized that I consider my labors to be a blessing. Mostly because the pain and the trials and the comfort and the prayers are all mixed up in my mind with the joy and happiness of being a mother.

I think not only of the trials of birth, but the trials of motherhood also. Will I look back on this time also with feelings of satisfaction and joy? Even in the midst of difficulties and pain....I feel the love I have for my children and I am a peace.

I have heard of some women who resent their children for bringing upon them the pains of labor. And I feel sorry that such a joyous moment could be harrowed by such a sad thought. For them, I wish they did have the epidural. Or something that could help them feel the peace and joy I have felt. For me though, the pains of labor have taught me love. Or maybe it's love that allowed the pains of labor to become meaningful. Either way, as I sit and contemplate, I am once again filled with love for my children and the desire to be the best mother I can.

Essay Contest Winner

2009-08-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

By Jamie Wagner

My husband Josh and I had been trying to get pregnant for a total of about 18 months (with some hiatus periods because of insurance issues from job changes), and each and every month of trying would culminate in excitement and end in tears. We eventually went to see an OB/GYN for a fertility evaluation. I had been charting my temperatures for 6 months and using ovulation predictor kits, and all we were told was, "I don't know why you're not getting pregnant. It looks like you know what you're doing. Your husband can do a semen analysis if you want." Cup in hand, we left the doctor's office, not sure why we felt such peace about the whole situation when we had expected more intervention than this.

We put off the semen analysis because we were focused on moving and going on vacation for two weeks. When we got back from our trip and moved in to our new apartment, my husband was getting ready to graduate from the university, and things were pretty busy, so we totally forgot about that little cup in the bio-hazard bag. The week of Josh's graduation I was anticipating the monthly visit from "Aunt Flo", but she didn't come. I didn't think too much about it, because the last time that she didn't come on time and was five days late, I had the hardest time bouncing back from realizing I wasn't pregnant after all---again. After a week, I finally took two pregnancy tests. The second line was pretty faint, so we decided not to announce anything to family while they were here for the graduation because we didn't want to get everyone all excited only to have to break the bad news later. The next week we finally decided to go to the health department for a pregnancy test because they'd be able to tell us for sure. I remember coming out of that office just beaming and crying and all excited to tell our family that we were finally expecting!

Then that night I broke down crying for a different reason. Eventually the baby would have to be born. And that was something that terrified me. Everyone I knew said that birth was the most painful experience you'd ever have---that it was akin to dying. Josh and I had decided a long time before getting pregnant that we wanted a natural birth experience. But when it came down to it, could I really handle all that? I am a pretty big wimp when it comes to the unknown. Especially if the unknown, according to what people told me, included intense pain and misery. Obviously people had had natural birth before and survived (my own mother did it eight times--twice she asked for an epidural or other anesthesia because she had done the natural birth route before and figured she deserved a break, but it didn't work either time), but could I? People I talked to about our desire for natural birth thought I was completely nuts, and told me so. Why not just go with the flow, right? Everybody gets epidurals. Why not me too?

Because I didn't want to. For some reason this was one time I didn't just want to conform. This was one time I wanted to do something different--something I considered to be WAY outside my comfort zone.

But then there had to be some way to manage things during birth---I needed some kind of structured help (since I also freak out and give up rather easily). One of my friends had taken a Hypnobabies course and loved it. I wasn't too sure how I felt about hypnosis. To me, and to others I'm sure, hypnosis brought to mind a man waving gold watch on a chain in front of my face and making me make chicken sounds or something. I wanted to be in control of things, not controlled by things, but my friend assured me that self-hypnosis is very different from all that. Josh and I researched Hypnobabies and felt really good about it, so we enrolled in the course. I really was intrigued by the claim that childbirth with hypnosis could be painless, and wondered if my mind and body really could relax enough to make that happen. Josh and I did a pretty good job at practicing the hypnosis scripts and CDs often in order to prepare, and we felt confident in being able to use those techniques during the birth in order to have a peaceful, beautiful experience.

However, at about 37 weeks of pregnancy at my checkup, my blood pressure was off the charts, and the midwife found protein in my urine, so I was sent next door to the hospital for a non-stress test and bloodwork. After four hours of monitoring, I was sent home on bed-rest with instructions to come back in a few days to be re-evaluated. To keep this part short and sweet, imagine that process two more times, each time with no conclusive answers as to why my blood pressure would still be so high when I didn't have any other pre-ecclamptic symptoms (other than a small amount of protein in the urine). At the very last non-stress test, the midwife suggested an induction, in order to put an end to the testing and in hopes that delivery of the baby would put an end to this high blood pressure problem. However, my cervix was closed, high, and virtually not looking like it was going to budge at all. Josh and I were concerned that an induction would only start the snowball of events we did not want---pitocin, epidural, c-section. The midwife wanted to just keep me at the hospital that night and get things going, but Josh and I decided we wanted the weekend to decide what to do and prepare if the change in our birthing plans was necessary.

My fear returned. Hypnobabies had taught me to feel so confident in my ability to give birth naturally. We had practiced and done our best to learn everything we needed to know. Now, however, we felt like we were being asked to bring our baby into the world in a way we did not want. We didn't want to be a product of medical intervention, though we understood that at some times it is very necessary. My situation, however, was so unconclusive. I wasn't officially diagnosed with pre-ecclampsia. They really couldn't since I wasn't demonstrating all, or even most, of the symptoms.

So here we were, packing our hospital bag just in case our baby boy decided to come on his own that weekend. I was scheduled to go into my midwife's office on Monday for another checkup and most likely a decision regarding the induction proposition. I contacted our Hypnobabies instructor, who suggested we download the "Come Out Baby" Hypnosis track. It had been proven effective in getting the mother's body and baby's body to cooperate and get birthing going. It, of course, was like any other means of induction--if your body was ready, it would work. If not, it wouldn't. I listened to it twice a day (the max recommended), but nothing happened. Monday came and once again induction was suggested. She gave Josh and me time to talk about it, and we decided to go ahead with it, because I was only 2 days away from my "due date", and if we didn't, it would only mean repetition of the same rigamaroll we'd already been through with non-stress tests and bloodwork and such, and by that point I was just so tired of all of the drama. As I wrote that, it sounded extremely selfish, which is how I felt on the drive home from the midwife office. I cried and cried and thought about calling the midwife and telling her we wouldn't be going to the hospital that night, but I didn't. For some reason I started to feel at peace.

We had asked everyone we knew to pray for us during this whole ordeal. Usually I am the one being asked to pray for someone else. This time the roles were reversed, and it was very humbling to hear so many people say they were praying for us every day from the first day of bed-rest. The strength from all of those prayers truly comforted us as we went home and finished getting things ready. At our midwife's suggestion, we went out to dinner as our last date pre-parenthood, and then headed over to the hospital. The plan was to start a cervical ripener that night, which would last 12 hours, and then start pitocin the next morning around 7:30 am. We got checked in to our room, the nurse put in the Cervadil, which was pretty painful since they had to put it behind my uncooperative cervix, and we just waited. We played card games and chatted and finally tried to fall asleep. Josh slept pretty well, but I couldn't. I decided to put on the "Come Out Baby" hypnosis track, and listened to that before finally dozing off. I woke up around 3 am, feeling kind of funny, and realized that every so often I would feel a cramp-like sensation in my belly. I woke up Josh and he immediately came to see what was going on. Before I knew it, the contractions were coming harder and closer together. I had no idea which "stage" of labor I was in, as I didn't feel any kind of gradual progression.

Josh called our doula, who was planning on being there the next morning when the pitocin was supposed to be administered, and she came right over, also surprised to see me having so many contractions. I will never cease to be amazed at the way Josh was able to stay calm and really use our Hypnobabies techniques on the fly. There was no time to read official scripts. He had to just go from what he remembered, and I really believe he received some Heavenly help to do everything he did. He was able to provide physical, emotional and mental comfort all at once. When I'd start to freak out, he'd bring me back down into relaxation. Our doula also was invaluable. She would constantly remind me to breathe and use low moaning tones to allow my body to open. One thing she told me that continues to stand out to me was when I was again unsure of my ability to really give birth, and I said, "I can't do this!" and she said, "You ARE doing it! You ARE!" That was so empowering to me. I just had to let go and let my body do what it needed to do! Our baby was going to be born!

I can't remember my exact progression, as things went so quickly, but I did go from being dialated to a 2 and fully effaced at around 4am, to a 9 at 9am. The midwife showed up around 9 o'clock, when I was already getting really pushy. It's so amazing how the urge to push out the baby is so strong. It's a natural instinct that really can't be held back, at least not very effectively. Before the midwife arrived, the nurses told me not to push because there was still a lip of cervix that could swell up and reverse my progress if I did. That was not what I wanted to hear, and once again I started to really get anxious and upset. I was having a hard time breathing because there was literally no pause between contractions, and here I was being told not to push when that was all I wanted to do. I finally asked for some Fetanol to slow things down a bit and give me a chance to relax and breathe a little more. They gave me half a dose, which was pretty much like taking a Tylenol for a migrane, but it was sufficient--at least psychologically it seemed to work. Josh and our doula continued to work to help me relax and breathe. I sure was glad when the midwife arrived and I was able to finally push!

Because the labor was so fast and intense, our baby's heart rate was dropping with each contraction and not coming back up. They put in an internal monitor, and we knew we had to get this baby out fast. There was even one of the obstetricians standing outside the room door with an epidural and forceps if necessary. (Supposedly he didn't believe in using forceps without administering an epidural first.) Once the midwife explained the situation, I felt my resolve to continue naturally increase. Josh stood beside me working to keep me relaxed and focused, and our doula and one of the nurses held my legs as I pushed. It turned out that our little guy had the cord around his neck once and around one of his arms, which was pinching the cord and causing his heart rate to drop. I think that the pushing stage really was the hardest part of the birth because I was so tired and I was tensed up because of the possible forceps delivery and the insistence of the midwife and nurses that I really push because we didn't have time to wait. It was so intense, but you know, not nearly as painful as I expected it to be. Yes, it hurt, and I had never felt pain like that before, but it wasn't so unbearable as I think it's been made out to be. The fact that I was able to do it without drugs---me, who I used to consider to be a really wimpy person---was so empowering.

I will never forget the awe I felt as I saw our baby come out. This little person that had been growing and developing inside of me was born! The midwife quickly cut the cord and he was examined by the hospital staff immediately. Our little boy was just perfect. As I was being stitched up from my episiotomy and tear, I couldn't help but just smile and cry and laugh. We had done it! Josh and our baby and I had worked together and seen a miracle. So many united prayers had been answered. When they handed me our sweet baby boy, I just stared at him in wonder. This was the baby we had waited so long for. This was the baby we had prayed for and hoped for. It was amazing. I felt such an overwhelming love for him that I start to cry even now.

There is a certain euphoria that accompanies birth. Perhaps it's partly because the mother realizes her body was indeed capable of bringing that little life into the world, but I believe that mostly it's because for a time heaven and earth collide. A new little person has arrived in mortality, and one can't help but feel amazed at how powerful a body is at creating another human life from two tiny cells. The awe of each tiny finger and toe, the first eye contact, watching the forehead wrinkle and the little mouth open in a tiny sigh, seeing him kick his feet and you realize those were the same feet that bruised your ribs for the third trimester, a head of downy hair, the soft skin....absolutely amazing.

As I watch our baby grow and change and learn, I feel like I too am on that same course. We're learning together how to be mother and child. We're nurturing each other. He reminds me daily of what's really important in life---the snuggles during and after feedings, nightime lullabies (even if the baby wakes up the second after you lay him down), tummy time, walks in the sunshine, being together, observing the world through new eyes, smiling in your sleep, unconditional love, holding your head up, and not being afraid to cry.

Amazing.