My do's, don'ts and hopes

I thought I would write out some of my do's, don'ts and hopes for those I speak to about childbirth. I got this idea from this site and loved the idea. So here's my list for my friends, associates and readers.

Things I don't care about:

I don't care where you give birth.

I don't care how you give birth.

I don't care what type of providers you use.

What do I care about then:) I mean, if I don't care about any of these things, then why do I write this blog.

I do care that you feel you made your choices based on what you want and desire, and that you received enough information to make informed decisions.

I do care that you feel you can look back at your decisions and learn from them.

I do care that both you and your baby are healthy, but that (more important, in my opinion), your cumulative life experiences have brought peace and joy.

I do care that you don't feel like you where stepped on, put down, or shoved around.

I do care that you have taken your birth experiences and used them to make you a better person.

My hope:

I hope that women can come to understand the great importance they play in bringing lives into this world, and that they can respect that in other women also. I hope that labor and birth can become of time rejoicing, overcoming, stretching, and finding the best in ourselves in preparation for motherhood. I hope all, at some point, can make peace with their choices.

I do advocate a natural approach for many reasons; medically, emotionally, and spiritually. But, I recognize that we are all different and at different points in our lives. Where we are at can largely determine how we experience pain and joy. That not only changes from person to person, but from time to time. Mostly I just encourage everyone to research their options, look at where they are at now, and learn from experiences they have had to become better women and mothers.

c-section

More doctors are coming out now in favor of the idea that c-sections may be safer and better for mom than a normal vaginal delivery. This is a hard one for me to swallow. Now, research has not shown this to be absolutely true, but it got me to thinking. What if it was? What if c-sections were safer? What would I choose? Would I have a choice? Something deep down within me wants to run away from those ideas. Birth has become such a part of me that if someone were to tell me that I would be making a bad choice to give birth vaginally, I'm not sure how I would react. My births have helped define who I am as a woman, a mother, and a person...would that have been the same if I wasn't given the choice. I wonder if something sacred would be taken from us.

Now, I am grateful that we have c-sections. There are times when it is absolutely life saving to have that, and those who give birth that way are not any less mothers. I just don't see that as being the optimal way in normal circumstances. Of course, some disagree and more and more people are being led that way. I hear doctors who much prefer c-sections, and moms who are afraid ro give birth any other way. I just wonder, are we losing something here? And if we are, what is it? Or maybe I'm just unable to face reality...progress is progress. Technology is here to stay, and it is useful and lifesaving. I'm just not certain we always understand what progress means....

Defining Motherhood

"Motherhood is giving up the selfish part of ones being so love and knowledge can flow from Mother to child unhindered."*

This was an answer to a question I posted on my facebook group about the defination of a mother.  I have found so often that all a mother is defined as, is one who gives birth to a child. That bugged me.  It's not only that, and it's not even that sometimes.  But I loved this definition of motherhood posted by a friend, and I love the idea it brings in.  

As mothers we give up things, quite a bit.  It seems to me that pregnancy and birth is just the beginning of that journey.  We are pretty much forced to give up many things at this time...looks, comfort, our idea of who we are.  Of course during labor we give up many of those same things, whether it's natural or not.  This is were it starts, this is the beginning of our testing ground or should I say molding ground.  

Of course labor and birth don't have to be experienced to start this process.  I think of couples I know who can't have children.  What kind of molding is going on with them?  What kind of tests are they facing of their own that chips off those selfish ideas within us?  The same goes for those who are trying to adopt.  The fact is, all these things start the process of ridding ourselves of selfish thoughts or desires.  I think it is really up to us to utilize these times to become the mothers we can become.  

I think most people will tell you that by successfully navagating these waters, they have developed love and knowledge which can then be passed down to our children.  Yes, even the pains and difficulties of labor can develop these virtues.  

Of course this is just the beginning.  We continue throughout motherhood to develop these ideals and pass them on to our children.  And hopefully at the end of it all, our love and knowlege will help to define their own love and knowledge in a path that never ends.

*You can find this quote at http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=43960909365&topic=6952

Change

I don't know too many moms who don't feel guilty about how they are mothering. The problem is, we do make mistakes. It's hard to get over that and feel like you haven't completely destroyed your child's life. It starts as early as pregnancy. Am I eating right? I can't quit smoking. Should I exercise? Am I exercising too much? It just goes on...should I get an epidural? milk or formula? How do I discipline a screaming 4 year old? Is is right to keep my teenager locked up in her room:)? We all have to go through some big decisions. Yet I find hope in the fact that even if I make mistakes, I can change. That while I must face bad decisions have previously made, I can improve.

There is an amazing thing to me about the infants circulation. In utero, the circulation to the lungs is mainly bypassed. There is no need for the lungs to oxygenate the body at this time. There are ducts and holes in the heart to make this possible. After birth the pressures of the birthing process and the first breath of air, change all that. It literally is quite a miracle to me how the circulation then changes to begin the process of oxygenating the body away from the mother. That the pressures and change in environment and bring about such great changes in the baby serves as a teaching point for me. Just as a baby is born with the necessary functions needed to change their heart. So are we.

Improvement and change is at the core of who we are as human beings. As mothers we need to recognize this. Remember the amazing process we went through at birth and that we can continue that same process. Mistakes will be made, but they need not hinder us from improving ourselves as women and mothers.