Mothers bring forth life

"Mothers bring forth life; medical corporations do not. Birth can be simple, powerful and loving."

I recently took care of a mom that had not been able to get pregnant for 9 years. For her, this process of pregnancy and birth had been very medical, and there was a great deal of fear involved. I understood that her fear was coming from the fact that this had been a much desired child that had taken medical care to conceive. But through her fears, I saw the face of a great love for this child come through. It was amazing, to say the least.

This birth was also very medical, due to how the physician preferred to practice. The baby was also experiencing some difficulties and needed to be born quickly. It was a birth that could have been traumatic.

I encouraged mom, to focus on what she could do. Staying focused on her baby and staying calm to allow her placenta to be able to perfuse her baby more(stress can cause the blood flow to deviate away from the uterus to support other vital organs). Her husband was so fabulous at helping her to stay calm and focus on what she was doing. After baby was born, she was taken away to make sure things were OK, but all other procedures were delayed and she was back with mom within a few min. tucked in skin-to-skin. This was something the mom requested and I loved the delight she had in her eyes as she did this. It was neat too to see how the baby really did do better sitting right next to her mom.

The reason I mention this instance with this quote is because this was absolutely the moms birth. I felt her strength and abilities take over when they needed to, and her desire for her baby to be with her was neat to watch. This was a birth that was very medicalized, but I still felt the truth of these words from this quote. We did not bring forth this life, the mom did. I hope she realized this.

Enjoying the small things

http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html

I'm on a role today, but I've found another amazing birth story. It certainly made me cry:)

Learning to love

"Motherhood is an immense responsibility. In my opinion, it is the most overwhelming, meaningful, incredible, transforming experience of a lifetime. No wonder it produces such emotional and physical change!"*

I don't remember feeling as much joy as I did at the birth of my first child. But I also feel like afterwards was one of the tougher times I've had mentally. Having a child is not for the weak minded. It is so hard to adjust to having another little body around that depends on you completely. I have also felt like it has taught me a lot also. Never before have I understood what it meant to be selfless, to sacrifice, to give of yourself so completely when you sometimes have very little to give. I have also learned how important it is to take care of myself. If you are empty, then you really have nothing to give. Of course this is something that I am still working on, but I appreciate the opportunity that motherhood has given me to learn to love, not only another little being, but also to love myself.

*From Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0071398856.php?nid=148&isbn=0071398856

Motherhood and love

I took a bath today for the first time since I was laboring with the last of my children. As I sat there I recalled memories of my labors and soaking in the water to help relieve the pain. I realized that I consider my labors to be a blessing. Mostly because the pain and the trials and the comfort and the prayers are all mixed up in my mind with the joy and happiness of being a mother.

I think not only of the trials of birth, but the trials of motherhood also. Will I look back on this time also with feelings of satisfaction and joy? Even in the midst of difficulties and pain....I feel the love I have for my children and I am a peace.

I have heard of some women who resent their children for bringing upon them the pains of labor. And I feel sorry that such a joyous moment could be harrowed by such a sad thought. For them, I wish they did have the epidural. Or something that could help them feel the peace and joy I have felt. For me though, the pains of labor have taught me love. Or maybe it's love that allowed the pains of labor to become meaningful. Either way, as I sit and contemplate, I am once again filled with love for my children and the desire to be the best mother I can.

In memory of the generations of mothers

I often am at awe when I think about women in my past who have had the strength and love to bring forth life into this world.  I wonder how many women now a days would have that same strength and love if they had to go through what they did.  So, on this day I honor, not only my own mother, but the many mothers who have come before...who have struggled through trials, who have loved and cried.  I honor those who found great joy at the end of their journey, and great peace as they moved with dignity through this life....I honor their choice to become mothers.  Because that in and of itself is something to be honored.

I also wanted to direct you to another blog where I talk about fear, love, and motherhood...

http://www.crazibeautiful.com/GirlfriendToGirlfriend/ExpertHome.aspx?id=49

The worth of our children

This blog has been good for me. I have enjoyed contemplating my birth and mothering experiences, but the most notable benefit for me has been how I view my children. I have had to reflect on how I see myself, my children, and my role as a mother. I have thought deeply about why I choose to experience pain, and the difficulties of childbirth and motherhood. People have often asked me why in the world I would make these choices...and now I feel like I have found a reason and some meaning.

I'm watching my children now as they are enjoying the view of a cement truck in our backyard. I would not choose to give up the pains and difficulties I've experienced if it meant not having them here. I find so much joy in them.

Women had much harder choices to make when they had children 100 years ago. They faced death and heartache a lot more than we do now. That would be really hard to find meaning in. There must just be something with these little ones of ours that make it worth while. That's something to really think about...

The blessings of surrendering fear to love

This is just a quick blip I got from a lady who has done some home births and I loved how this fit in the topic of love.

"the true victory in labor and delivery is not the overcoming of pain and fatigue, but the realizations that come when we surrender our will to something greater, for the love of our children, and are infinitely blessed with feelings of peace, safety, and love."*

This can be a victory and it is not easy. It is a sense of surrendering to something greater than yourself. In all aspects of life this can be the case. As a mother I know I have felt the need to do this many times as I sense frustration set in. There are times when I say I can't do this, but you have to let it go and turn it over to something greater than yourself. For me that is a God that I have faith in, but for those who aren't religious, it can be something else. I think having an idea of the goodness and greatness of the cause of being a mother is helpful in this respect. If you believe that what you are doing as a mother is important than when it is hard surrender yourself to that cause. Fear can be replaced with peace, safety and love.

Now, I realize that fear is also foraged from the thought of losing your child and for the safety of yourself. I am thinking about this and hope to touch on this in the next blog. Until then I still feel like filling yourself with love is one of the most important things you can do in birth and in motherhood.

*quote is from Rachel Logan

On the topic of love

While I have found a great connection to my children after giving birth, I know not all women do. And, it's not like kids are easy to love all the time anyways, so I wanted to explore this topic a little bit more.

There was a talk I heard by a young man that was talking about how we develop love. He was not a father yet and was talking about how he did not quite understand how a mother could love a child. All they do is cry, and whine, and are pretty troublesome. But then he went on to talk about how mothers serve their children, and that it is through service that we develop our love.

I tend to agree, but it has to be a selfless service. I know there are times when I offer service, but all I'm thinking about is how annoyed I am that I have to do this. Well, needless to say, my love for my family was not strengthen that day:) There are times, though, as I work to serve my family and children, that I look at it from a different point of view. Much of it has to do with how I choose to view it. If I am doing the dishes (which I hate) and I am thinking about how I really don't want to be doing this, and why do I have to do all the work around here, much of that negativity rubes off on how I feel about my family. On the other hand, if I think about the fact that I am doing the dishes because I want to help my family and that I love them, I feel much better about them and the whole process.

Back to labor...it can work much the same way. If you are going through labor, focusing mainly on how much you hate this process, that your body is betraying you, that the nurses, MD, etc. have no clue how to really help you, those feelings will continue and the process will become infused with them. This can incidentally, also lead to labor slowing down, and an increased use of interventions. But if you can put yourself in the mind set that you are doing this for your baby, that your are experiencing this pain and difficulties for your child, it gives it more meaning and a greater appreciation and love for the one you are doing this for.

Interesting how our thoughts and emotions can effect labor as well as beyond as we continue on in motherhood. If we can focus on serving and love, overall, our experience as mothers will be more fulfilling.

Replacing fear with love

If any have read the Secret Garden, you know about the invalid, Colin who stayed in his room all day because he thought he was going to die. Once he learned to see otherwise, he learned to go outside, walk, and find great joy.

“So long as Colin shut himself up in his room and thought only of his fears and weakness and his detestation of people who looked at him and reflected hourly on humps and early death, he was a hysterical half-crazy little hypochondriac who knew nothing of the sunshine and the spring and also did not know that he could get well and could stand upon his feet if he tried to do it. When new beautiful thoughts began to push out the old hideous ones, life began to come back to him, his blood ran healthily through his veins and strength poured into him like a flood. … Much more surprising things can happen to any one who, when a disagreeable or discouraged thought comes into his mind, just has sense to remember in time to push it out by putting in an agreeable determinedly courageous one. Two things cannot be in one place."

The Secret Garden (1987), 338–39.

The one thing, above all else, that can replace fear is love. I had one mom tell me that when she was pregnant she couldn't imagine ever going through that again and she even began to wonder why women go through this in the first place. She ended up having to have a c-section, but when she first heard her baby cry, she understood why mothers continue to choose motherhood. It is difficult to describe the immense amount of joy that fills you as a new baby is born. You know at once that you love this child. I think of that as I begin labor and the fear of pain or other problems come into my mind. I hold onto that. The immense love and joy you feel at having a new child.

I think even those who haven't yet experienced that can find that same love and joy within their own lives and hold onto that. Even if it is only just a hope to feel that love. Hold on to that thougt as fears surround you. Hold onto the thought that there is a perfect love to be realized and let that thought engulf you. It is a nice feeling to think of also that this love I have felt for my children, someone has and still feels for me.