Childbirth choices-what good decision did you make?

"S: You said you were not a self caretaker – can you think back and think of one moment when you were?
me: (thoughtful) – well…I guess the only time I can think of is when I asked my midwife to break my water. I needed it to be over and I knew that breaking my water would at least make it go faster.
S: Yes. That took a lot of courage.
me: I process this statement – courage? is that true for me? I think back…
me: yeah, it did take a lot of courage. the labor pain was so intense I was fearful – so it did take a lot of courage to ask for my water to be broken knowing that it would increase that pain. Craig had told me to ask her to break my water earlier but I knew I couldn’t do it at that point because I was so afraid.
me: peace floods my being. I did have a moment of being a warrior – even if fleeting.

That moment took less than 5 minutes but it changed me. The feelings of regret, sadness, only feeling lucky…gone. I KNOW that in each of my birth experiences I had a warrior moment. I accept that I am human who makes mistakes, takes my body for granted and can have unspoken expectations of others that can lead to disappointment…I am human. I am a courageous human who believed in her body, who did most of the right things and needed all of my experiences to make me a loving, caring and understanding doula."

http://naturalmomlovesprada.com/?p=620


I loved this experience of this mom.  In labor, there are many times when we feel fearful or that we did something wrong.  There are times when we feel we caved, or behaved badly.  Questions often filter through women's minds, "Was I too noisy", "Why did I say I would do that", "if only I had done this".  Often times we look back and think of everything we wish we did or could have done.   


I would love for every women to think of one moment in her birth where she felt she did something right.  It may have been a certain position you decided to choose.  It may have been a moment when you understood what it was you needed to do.  It may have been saying no to an intervention.  It may have been saying yes when you had originally intended not to have anything.  What ever it is, I think it's important that we find these moments these are "our" moments.  These are the moments that help us understand who we are and who we can become.

Acceptance

When I was pregnant with my first child, a local birth center was recommended to me. I had never thought about different childbirth options, but thought it might be a good way to go and see what birth was like without an epidural. I went into birth, knowing full well that I would feel pain, but I accepted that. Of course, I didn't understand at that point what that really felt like, but there was a sense of peace in that decision for me. I wasn't adamant about how I wanted my birth to be, I just let it unfold with all the mystery that it held.

After that birth, I knew three things: 1) childbirth did hurt:) 2) it was hard work, 3) it was something I was capable of doing. I found great satisfaction with my birth, even though it was painful, and because of this I realized that joy, happiness, and contentment are not related to the amount of pain we feel.

I found this quote in a book I've read that describes difficulties in life, but I feel like it relates quite well to how I've viewed the pain of childbirth.

"Life is difficult...Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters" (From the Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck).

The pain of childbirth is, of course, something we must all come to terms with, and we all deal with it in different ways. I would just hope that we can find room to allow it to help us grow, no matter how we choose to deal with it.

You're Never Alone

I felt like this video has a lot of meaning for going

through different trials in our lives. I felt like it

could also be applied to how we view our births.

Obviously, for those who are religious, it has a

different meaning. I also believe, though, that it holds

meaning beyond that. When we are faced with

trials, it helps so much to feel like we are supported,

that someone is there for us, and that we have

some idea of the blessings that we will receive at

the end of our labor. I find it interesting, also, that

when I speak with women about their labors, support

is one of the things they found most helpful. That is

was either the percieved lack of support, or the

support they recieved, that made a difference in

how they felt during their labor. I think at times, that

is what makes the difference in many aspects in

our lives.

Prayer

This is something I see quite a bit of during labor and birth. I am ashamed to admit that it never crossed my mind to ask for help from above, but I do see many other people do that. I think this gives a sense of peace to many people during birth. There is this idea that through prayer we are able to access divine help. Many times I have seen this gives moms a new sense of strength and awareness. There is also this sense that no matter what, your prayer has meaning....therefore, your pain, trials, and tears have meaning.

The other time I have seen lds women use prayer is in making decisions on choices to make during labor. Should I be induced, should have have medication, should I give birth at home or in the hospital. Here's one of my favorite blogs that shows how one woman incorporated prayer into her decision making. http://segullah.org/daily-special/at-35-weeks/ I think these kind of conversations with God, ourselves, and others around us is pretty typical of how our believe in prayer can change how we view birth.

Labor story

I just wanted to post this link here because I thought it was a wonderfully written birth story...just to warn you, though, there is some swearing in it.

http://www.dooce.com/2009/08/04/labor-story-part-three

Facing the Giants

I just recently watched Facing the Giants, and through the whole thing couldn't help relating it to birth and motherhood. Essentially this is a movie about overcoming obstacles that seem bigger than you. It just so happened that I had just helped with a difficult labor/c-section the night before.

Here's what I came away with...much of what we experience in life can seem larger than us. I know, as a mom, there are days when I feel like there is no way I can do another day like the one I just had. In labor, I think we come to same conclusions. There is no way I can handle another contraction, there is no way I can push any longer. There is no way I can take care of this baby once I go home.

One of the things that we have to do during these times is depend on something larger than ourselves. If we feel that we are alone, then we feel small and unable to conquer. As a Christian, my faith in God helps a lot. For those that aren't Christian though, one of the greatest "power" we can have is our love for our children. If we can grab a hold of that and hang on, I really feel like that can help us to face our own giants.

The other thing that helps is realizing that facing our giants may have to be done in ways we aren't expecting. I had one mom that when faced with forceps/c-section, said a prayer, and pushed that baby right out. Another one I had when faced with the same situation, gave it all she had to the very last, but needed a c-section. Both faced their giants in different ways. One was able to deliver vaginally, the other had to face her fears of a c-section. Both were equally strong. And both were able to push themselves above what they thought was possible to overcome difficulties.

In memory of the generations of mothers

I often am at awe when I think about women in my past who have had the strength and love to bring forth life into this world.  I wonder how many women now a days would have that same strength and love if they had to go through what they did.  So, on this day I honor, not only my own mother, but the many mothers who have come before...who have struggled through trials, who have loved and cried.  I honor those who found great joy at the end of their journey, and great peace as they moved with dignity through this life....I honor their choice to become mothers.  Because that in and of itself is something to be honored.

I also wanted to direct you to another blog where I talk about fear, love, and motherhood...

http://www.crazibeautiful.com/GirlfriendToGirlfriend/ExpertHome.aspx?id=49