Happily Ever After

Sorry guys, this picture made me crack up:)  I have to say, though, life with kids has been one of the best experiences for me thus far.  I am a far better person for having been a mother, despite the not so fairytalish pictures that I'm sure I could take also.

A tribute to a daughter

"My Baby became Bride one week ago. All her life (and the hordes of people who adore her will attest) she has created Abundance: it goes before her, surrounds her, and leaves a wake behind her. She lives like the  exuberant child she once was: playful and joyous in a pool filled with Abundance; splashing all the rest of us, drenching all the rest of us, laughing at our surprise."


I found this blog and was touched by the beautiful tribute from mother to daughter.  Check out the link and enjoy the whole post.  It's truly beautiful.

Healing through the generations

I was sitting with one of my cousin's yesterday who is very pregnant and ready for her baby to be born. Another cousin sat down and started giving her a foot massage. As we were sitting there talking about pregnancy and birth, my cousin who was massaging feet talked about how our grandma used to do this. He said that it was our grandma that began teaching him about how different points on our feet help to keep us healthy. Because of this, he had become interested in reflexology and was learning it himself.

This struck me because last year, I too had become interested in this as a means to help laboring patients. I also began massaging my children's feet at night. When I mentioned this to one of my aunts, they said my grandma used to do this with her own kids and grandkids. In some way, this made me feel connected to my grandma. Like we shared a motherhood secret to help ourselves and our families.

I then started thinking about how many alternative forms of medicine continue to be passed down throughout generations. On the otherside of our family, my husbands cousin uses essential oils. These were given to him by his own mother who had passed away from cancer about 10 years ago. I wonder how much of his use of oils, is a connection to his own mother.

Modern medicine, with all the great things it can do, fails to rise the same stirrings of connection and love that these simple home remedies do. The knowledge science provides is passed down through a heirarchy of elites. While this serves us in some way, it does not provide a connection of generations of family like alternative medicines do.

While I feel grateful for the scientific knowledge I have been able to gain through school and work, I feel much more grateful for the connection of love and healing I feel as I massage my children't feet each night. It reminds me of my grandma's love for her own family. It reminds me that I will always be connected to that.

Now as I use different modes of healing and touch, I wonder what will be passed down to my own children. Will the scent of lavender bring back fond memories for my own kids. When stressed or anxious, will a foot massage help them because of the memories of it being used in our own family. I just don't think taking a tylenol is going to have the same effect.

Why my children are my heroes

I found a contest at our local grocery store that asked you to write a short essay about why your children or parents are your heros.  It really got me thinking about my own kids and how there is so much admire many of their talents and personalities.  So here's my thoughts on why my children are my heros.

Emma is a dancer and loves to dance around the house almost constantly.  I love that about her, but what I really have loved to see as she has grown in her dancing, is her interaction with a girl in her class who is developmentally disabled.  This particular girl will often talk to herself and needs help knowing when to move and when not too.  For many of the girls in this class, that was a little off putting and they would mostly stay away from her.  But not Emma.  She would slid up next to her and take her hand when she needed help.  She would take the time to respond to her ramblings, and during the recital she would help her find her way as they danced across the stage together.  This fall she will be volunteering in a class for disabled kids in dance.  When she found out she would be able to do this, a huge smile crept across her face and she glowed with excitement.  Emma is my hero because she has the talent and desire to work with others who need more help and who are different from her.

Aaron is a sweet boy and is very in tune to how I feel.  There are days when the stress of being a mom is so very hard.  Many times when he knows I'm having a hard day, he'll ask me what he can do for me or what I need.  He'll give me hugs and  try and help out more at these times.  He will often come up to me when he knows I've had a hard day and tell me he's said a prayer for me.  Aaron is my hero because he has compassion for those around him.

Dallin has always looked a the world in a different way.  He is the one that would ask the questions of how things work and why.  Often the question were phrased in ways that were a little different or would make me think a little bit harder about why things are the way they are.  He loves the stars and enjoys puzzles and games.  Dallin is my hero because he has a great sense of wonder about the world around him.

Joseph has the most infectious smile.  When he smiles, you know he is genuinely happy, and it just radiates from him.  He likes to joke and play and share that joy with those around him.  When I'm down, I know his smile can always help bring me up.  Joseph is my hero because he as an infectious joy for the life around him.

Jacob loves being with all his older brothers and his sister.  He loves having anyone around to play with and will jump right into any game that is already in progress.  He likes to include as many people in his games as possible.  Jacob is my hero because he enjoys others and wants everyone to be his friend.

I'm not sure where I would be without all my little ones.  They truly our my example and heroes in so many ways. 

What do you need to have to be a mother?

This was a question that was posed to me and I thought I'd share my list.

1)a desire to be a good mom
2)willingness to work hard
3)willingness to change
4)determination
5)the idea that what you are doing is important

And then I had my list of nice to have, but quite honestly, I learned this traits because I was a mom...
love
patience
forgiveness
time management
ability to work with others
organizational skills
humbleness

I really think this last list can go on and on.  I also figure that it'll be perfected by the time I have great grandchildren:)

Singing with Children-the Blessings and Sacrifices of Being a Mother

A few Sundays ago, I was asked to sing in church.  I had taken voice lessons the  last few years of highschool and into college and sung with choirs at school while I studied nursing.  So, at that time in my life, my voice had become quite trained.

Skip 12 years down the road, a marriage and five kids later, and singing had become something that I only did when asked to at church.  My voice still sounds trained, but definitely not what it used to be.  Nor do I have time to practice the hours it took to make a song sound truly beautiful.  But, I still accept those occasions to sing when asked.  

Like so often, my time was short for practice, and my song sounded very unrehearsed.  After I sang, I felt a bit sad at what I had lost.  But then, I thought of the song I had sung and who I had sung with.  For this particular song, I had asked my two youngest boys to come up with me to sing a child's song.  One of them bailed out at the last minute, and I desperately asked my oldest boy to come sing with me.  He nodded his consent as we sat in church waiting for our time to sing.

Then he came up with me, and my oldest son came and embarrassingly began to sing a sweet tune of looking for peace and hope.  He was out of tune, shy, and quiet.  On my part, I was a bit nervous and holding a small three year old who decided to stop singing half way through.  After it was done,  I sighed, knowing that it was not my best performance.

But then I stopped to think.  Here I was, with two of my beautiful children who I loved more than anything, doing something that I love to do.  It's hard to describe how I now feel about that moment, but for some reason the sacrifice of my music, does not seem so hard.  Perhaps because I was able to share it with two cute children, maybe because the music itself was one which was difficult to ruin.  But I just remember standing there singing with two sweet boys who chose to come sing with me.

It's singing with my children now that brings me the greatest joy...through all the ups and downs...I am privileged to sing with my children.

Destressing-How To Find Calm During Motherhood

I was having a hard day the other day. Things just seemed like there was too much going on and too much for me to do.  Having kids around at this time is really hard.  It's just adds to feeling of life pressing down on me.  This particular day, my kids had been asking me to go to the park.  It was the first time it had been nice in awhile.  While I didn't really feel like it, I figured my two youngest could use some good outdoor time, so off we went.

It was nice to just sit and relax and not worry about anything else.  But I started doing something at this time that really helped me feel calm and at peace.  As I was watching my kids, I saw how they would walk around the perimeter of the park.  Like on a balance beam, they would put one foot in front of the other.  I started thinking about how much joy kids find in little things like that, and I thought I'd try it too.

So, I slipped off my flip flops and started very deliberately walking along the perimeter of the playground with my boys.  I stepped one foot in front of the other, trying to keep my balance and my body straight.  I found my mind calming as I deliberately focused on the act of balancing.  It reminded me a little bit of deep breathing.  And I thought, "you know, kids have it right. They know how to find joy.  We just all need to find a little balance in our lives".

Family Dinner Time

In Michael Pollan’s book, In Defense of Food,  he says that "culture is another word for mom,”.  This phrase has struck me since I read it.  I started thinking about experiences I've had where I felt like I am defining my children's culture.  The times that I think of most are our family dinner time.


It takes me about 10-15m just to even get everyone around the table.  We start by getting maybe three, then I go off in search of the other two kids.  By the time I get them there, the other three have mysteriously disappeared and I wonder to myself why this always looks so easy when someone else is trying to gather their kids.  It is food for goodness sakes.  You'd think they would want to eat.  


Then my daughter walks in and I get the inevitable, "This looks disgusting mom".  So I need to chastise her for criticizing someone else's food and tell her that it's really not good manners to talk that way.  Then two of my sons coming in hitting each other, so one gets sent to time-out while the other sits down to eat(yes!  I've got one).  Two other little boys sit down and start banging their dishes again, so I once again I have to go into a lecture about good table manners and how banging dishes is not a part of that.  (I really need to have a sit down with all my kids on that one).  Finally my older boy comes out of time out and here we are, at the table.  My daughter is plugging her nose, I've got one boy that's just mad at the world, two that trying to see who can be the loudest, and one that brought his car to the table(yet another talk about table manners).


Then the fun begins...and I really mean that:)  We tell jokes, we talk about our days, we bemoan our problems.  Okay and my daughter is still discussing the fact that this food makes her want to throw up, and I tell her that she does not get desert.  


So what does all this have to do with culture and our influence over it.  When I started thinking about it I realized that our family dinner is teaching them a lot about how we expect them to behave(or not behave).  First off, time with family is important.  So important that we really work to make sure that nothing else is going on between 6-7 at night.  Second, I serve good food...that's important too. My kids understand that in order to keep our bodies healthy, we eat the right kinds of foods.  That's reiterated at dinner.  Of course, pea-shooting happens more often than actually eating them, but at least they get the message.


This also allows us a time to teach good manners that I hope someday will sink in:)  In any case, this is a good place to learn it.  We also have to learn how to treat each other and how to be respectful.  All these things transfer over into how they view the world around us.


I'm sure there are many other things that my kids pick up during that time together, and that's just a small sample.  As hard as this times are sometimes, it helps to remember that these experiences are what helps to then define the culture around us.


For those interested here's an interesting look at family dinner time.

Motherhood and our maternity - another look

I was looking back through some of my old posts(I am having way too much fun doing this:)), and I found this one on defining motherhood.  I thought it was a good thought so I thought I'd share it again along with some other websites that I found surrounding this topic.  Enjoy!

http://definingmotherhood.blogspot.com/

http://handsfullmom.blogspot.com/

http://www.livestrong.com/article/80915-define-motherhood/

http://www.beautifulinhistime.com/blog/motherhood-this-is-just-the-beginning

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Defining Motherhood

"Motherhood is giving up the selfish part of ones being so love and knowledge can flow from Mother to child unhindered."*

This was an answer to a question I posted on my facebook group about the defination of a mother.  I have found so often that all a mother is defined as, is one who gives birth to a child. That bugged me.  It's not only that, and it's not even that sometimes.  But I loved this definition of motherhood posted by a friend, and I love the idea it brings in.  

As mothers we give up things, quite a bit.  It seems to me that pregnancy and birth is just the beginning of that journey.  We are pretty much forced to give up many things at this time...looks, comfort, our idea of who we are.  Of course during labor we give up many of those same things, whether it's natural or not.  This is were it starts, this is the beginning of our testing ground or should I say molding ground.  

Of course labor and birth don't have to be experienced to start this process.  I think of couples I know who can't have children.  What kind of molding is going on with them?  What kind of tests are they facing of their own that chips off those selfish ideas within us?  The same goes for those who are trying to adopt.  The fact is, all these things start the process of ridding ourselves of selfish thoughts or desires.  I think it is really up to us to utilize these times to become the mothers we can become.  

I think most people will tell you that by successfully navagating these waters, they have developed love and knowledge which can then be passed down to our children.  Yes, even the pains and difficulties of labor can develop these virtues.  

Of course this is just the beginning.  We continue throughout motherhood to develop these ideals and pass them on to our children.  And hopefully at the end of it all, our love and knowlege will help to define their own love and knowledge in a path that never ends.

*You can find this quote at http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=43960909365&topic=6952

The family is central

May 15 is International Day of the Family.  This is a day of observation set up by the UN to help promote practices that will protect and preserve the family.  They did this because one of the basic human rights as set out by the UN is stated as this: "The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State".


I am going to continue to explore this topic through some of their publications on their web site, but for now it got me thinking about the central position the family plays in our lives in bringing up the next generation.  And how, as mothers, we form such a huge part of that role.  


My husband brought up an interesting question yesterday.  He wondered what history would be like if it was told from the prospective of the mothers of the great men and women in history.  For instance, while telling the story of Napoleon or Hitler, we also told the story of their mothers and how they believed and acted.  It would be interesting to see how the women in great historical lives changed who they are or what they believed.  It would be interesting to take a peak into the home of George Washington or Martin Luther King Jr.  What would we find?  I have a feeling it would be very much like my days....


Cooking, cleaning, getting kids up for school, frustration, laughs, crying, talking, something a little bit stronger than talking, time-outs, wrestling, wresting/fighting?, eating together, gathering, praying, hugging, wiping away tears, arguments, forgiving, loving....I love it, but sometimes it doesn't seem like something that is central to society or fundamental...something worthy of all groups of people working to preserve and protect.  


Yet, what is it exactly we learn from this fundamental unit of society that makes it so important?  Here's just a few quotes I found that explains why these seemingly small moments in life make such a difference. 


"We learn the lessons of life...in a context where we face challenge, opposition, hardship, and temptation"  Those things certainly happen in families and the reason that is so important is because it's also where were learn to forgive, to love when we don't want to, to give when we have nothing left to give, to support others who need you.  These things can happen anywhere, but I would say the family offers the perfect environment to cultivate these.  At work, you can leave and go home.  At home, you have to learn to deal with it.  I've always said that if you can learn to love your family, you can learn to love anyone...and isn't that a basic building block of society...learning to love everyone?


"The place to begin to improve society is in the home. Children do, for the most part, what they are taught. We are trying to make the world better by making the family stronger."  




The family unit is fundamental … We begin to practice in the family, the smaller unit, what will spread to ....the society in which we live in this world"
The family provides a great place for children to learn values that are important to our society.
http://lds.org/liahona/2004/12/strengthening-the-family-the-family-is-central-to-the-creators-plan?lang=eng&query=family+central

"It’s no stretch to say that a person has a serious advantage in life if they come from a loving, supportive home. Many people still succeed though they come from less-than-ideal family situations, but having our basic needs met, knowing that our parents love us and learning life lessons at home make all the challenges of day-to-day living that much easier to face. Likely, as an adult you want a happy home for your family.

This is no coincidence. [We are] organize[d] ...into families so that we can grow up in happiness and safety, and so that we can learn to love others selflessly—the key to true joy. Within the family is the best place to learn to love others" http://thefamily.com/2011/01/the-family-is-central-to-gods-plan-2/

Motherhood moments

When I had my second child I remember one distinct moment in my life with them that began to change how I viewed my world.  I was at church and my daughter, then around 18m, began to get fussy.  I had dealt with this, this was normal for me.  Most children don't like sitting for an hour just listening to people talk.  I began offering her toys and such, but it looked like they just weren't going to cut it this time around.  So I began to pick up my stuff, preparing for a swift exit, when my son, about 2m, began to cry also.

This was new.  I looked in dismay at my two crying children.  So, I shouldered my responsibility and tucked one child under one arm, the other under the other arm and out we went.  As I was walking, I thought to myself, "what have I gotten myself into?"

I've had many moments like that since then:)  But I look back on that now with fondness, of the young mother I was and of who I have become because I choose motherhood.  Because of this, I have felt the need to include just basic thoughts on motherhood and I'll post them on the side...these will be my motherhood moments.  These are the moments that I look back to as defining who I am today.