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Sunday, January 23, 2011

Guest Post-Rebecca Higginson Adams

As a small girl growing up, I always dreamed of having children of my own and becoming a mother! Isn't that what all (or most) girls dream about?--becoming a mother? Now that I'm older and realizing that having children isn't all that easy, I've had to put more faith and trust in the Lord. Some women don't get the chance to be married. Others have a hard time getting pregnant because of infertility or some other reason. It is so hard not getting what your heart desires most and what you've longed to have all your life! My experience with infertility has made me realize that the Lord's timetable is the best timetable! It's the waiting and the patience that are hard. It's also hard not knowing what the future will hold.

So why am I a mother? ALL women are mothers from the time we were born! We are mothers because of our nature to want to love everyone and care for each other. Although, sometimes I find it strange to call myself a mother because I don't have kids. I sometimes feel as though others who have kids don't trust me with their kids because I don't have kids of my own. (How should I know how to care for kids when I don't have any of my own?) I feel as though some might worry that I'm trying to take over their role as mother for their children if I babysit or spend time with their kids. These are reasons why I don't think of myself as a mother, but I know that I AM a mother! I'm a mother in the sense that I love and care for everyone around me. When I'm with my nephews and my niece, I try my best to protect them and make sure no harm comes to them. When I spend time with them, I'm not trying to take over the role of being their mom, but at the same time, I am being a mother to them. I'm like a second mother to them in that I love them and care about them and help lead them in the right ways.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (If you want to learn more about this church, you can visit us HERE or HERE.) Being a member of this church has helped me so much through this trial of infertility. I don't know what I would do without the spirituality and the Lord in my life! I would be so lost and sad all the time because of this infertility. It really is hard to go through life not being able to have kids when you really want to have kids. It's especially hard seeing other women around me having baby after baby after baby, year after year after year. I always wonder, 'Why them and not me? Am I doing something wrong in my life to not get the blessing of children?' I know children are a blessing. I hear it quite often. My church focuses on families. So I must be doing something wrong in my life if I'm not getting what the church focuses so much on, right? Wrong.

The Lord knows our lives. He knows our lives better than we do! We need to let Him into our lives to help comfort us and strengthen us. Even though it may seem like everyone else has life so easy, we ALL experience trials of some kind. We are all given different trials to help us grow and become stronger people. One thing I constantly have to tell myself is that the Lord will never give me any trial for longer than I can handle, so I must have the strength in me to get through this trial of infertility! It's been about 5 years so far, and the Lord only knows how much longer I will have to experience this trial, but I know that it's for my learning and growth!

Speaking of church, in my church we are all given different callings. These callings come from the Lord. I know the Lord knows me. He knows that I love children! I know that He knows me because for the past 3 1/2 years, I've had the calling of being in the nursery. The nursery consists of small children, ages 18 months to 3 years old. I don't know what I would do each week without that interaction with those small children. They are so cute! Since I'm not able to have children of my own at the moment, and since my husband and I live a little too far away from our nephews and niece to see them very often, I'm grateful for my calling as a nursery leader in my church! It's been a blessing in my life! I love getting the experience to 'mother' the small children in the nursery.

I have a wonderful husband who supports me through this hard time in our lives! I know that he knows how much I really want to have a baby! He comforts me when I'm sad and does all he can to make me happy. I'm grateful for him in my life! Going through this trial of infertility really has strengthened our relationship and has helped us grow closer. We're doing all we can to figure out what we can do to increase our chances of having a baby, but deep down I really know that things happen for a reason and when the time is right. We have had to put more trust in the Lord's plan for us and let Him lead our lives. We just need to keep following Him and have faith that things will work out! If we can't have kids of our own, I know we have the option of adopting children. I know adoption is a blessing to those who can't have kids. It's also a blessing for the child being adopted because they are able to grow up in a good home with a loving father and mother to care for them and love them.

So... even though I don't have kids of my own yet, I am happy to say that I AM a mother! :)


The Larsen Life said...

Brigham Young once said "There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty? -To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is our duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can". I believe that there are so many spirits in the world already who have there earthly tabernacles, but don't have a home filled with the spirit. I think that people in your case have that duty to prepare your home for those choice spirits. Think of all those children you could help pave the path back to our Heavenly Father. Your post was inspirational and I admire your faith! Infirtility , I can only imagine, would be the hardest thing. Trials like these only make us stronger and the person we become afterwards is truly a great reward. I think heavenly Father has something special planned for those with infirtility.

Rebecca Adams said...

Thank you for that sweet comment! I really appreciate it so much! I can only hope that we're doing the right things and being led down the path we need to be on so that my husband and I can either have children of our own or adopt. :)
~Rebecca Adams

Birth is a Journey: Does it have to be life changing?

  • One woman might have to climb on an overfilled boat, risking her life and nearly dying as she escapes over the ocean to come to this land. This experience could certainly be life altering. It may very well color the rest of her life, positively or negatively. (I overcame this amazing struggle and here I am triumphant! OR Holy crap, that was SO hard I don’t know if I can go on! By the way, neither response is “right”. No one would judge the woman with the 2nd response.)
  • One woman may buy an airplane ticket, sit on a comfortable 747 and fly to America with a nice smooth flight and landing. She is happy to be in America. Those welcoming her are glad she is here safe and sound. She may only travel by plane 2-4 times in her life, so it is pretty memorable. But the journey itself probably wouldn’t be life changing; it would simply be a journey.
  • One woman may learn to fly an ultra-light plane to lead a flock of geese into America teaching them to migrate. This experience could certainly be empowering and life altering.