means to an end

"Labor and delivery is seen as a means to an end and an unavoidable event to get a baby. Not a life changing, empowering, sacred experience".


I don't remember where I saw this quote, so I apologize, but it was one that really struck me.  This is quite often how many women view pregnancy, labor, and birth.  That these experiences in and of themselves don't mean anything, because it is the outcome that matters.  While it is important to acknowledge that a healthy baby is the number one priority, that does not mean that we should not acknowledge the experience itself.  


There are so many experiences that we have in life that happen while we are trying to achieve our final goal.  We go to school in order to gain knowledge.  Does that mean that the experience of school is not important?  We gain knowledge in order to have a job or career we want.  Does that mean that that knowledge does not matter except for that reason?  What happens when we don't get the job we wanted, or we don't finish the schooling we originally intended, does that mean it was all worth nothing?  


I think most people would agree that the experience of school is important in and of itself.  The same could be said of birth.  We can learn, grow, and become better people through all the experiences that happen to us, including birth.  I would submit that labor and birth should not be viewed as just a means to an end, but a complete experience in and of itself.

Happy New Year

I've been thinking about new beginnings since I've decided to start on my doula adventure. My last day of work was last Thursday. I just finished my shift and left without too much fuss from my co-workers. I have to admit I did shed a few tears.

It is interesting how new beginnings are sort of shift in life. Leaving work was like saying good bye to a good friend and yet I am excited for what is before me also. I remember feeling similar things with the birth of each of my children. It's something of a paradigm shift. While we loved and appreciated our old life we are ready to move on to something different. So I wish you all a Happy New Year and a year full of love-life-and laughter. As well as a year full of growth and new beginnings.

A doula in provo-another stepping stone

So I've decided to do it...I am wanting to focus more exclusively on just providing labor support. It's been an interesting journey for me...one that I don't think is really over.

When I first went into nursing, I really had no idea that I would love labor and delivery. Even after the birth of my first two children, I had no clue that I would be pulled to do this. And I was pulled...I have felt like this has almost become a calling for me in many ways. And my love for new moms and babies has grown so deeply. When I applied for the labor and delivery job I have now, I knew it was where I was supposed to be. But it's now time to move on.

Now December will be the last month I work for the hospital system I am working with. I am just about finished with my doula certification and I've felt like this is where I need to go now. But I feel like this is just another stepping stone....to something much more.

I have aspirations for becoming a midwife, but these stepping stones are something much more. By serving women, I have learned to love. I have learned to cry. I have learned to be amazed. All these things I have brought with me now...so where will this next stepping stone lead me. Who will I become now? For sure a better mom and woman...hopefully a little bit less selfish and more humble. These are all stepping stones we take, no matter what profession we have or who we are.

I have an image in my head of a wonderful loving woman who looks at me with a heart full of kindness and a desire to see me find joy. This is the woman I hope to be at the end of my life...and these stepping stones are just ways for me to find her. But for now I'll be a doula in Provo. And for anyone who is looking forward to a new little one and is in my area...I would love to be privileged to help you with your stepping stone in your journey to motherhood.

Enjoying the small things

http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html

I'm on a role today, but I've found another amazing birth story. It certainly made me cry:)

We were born together

"My mother was me and I thought that on the day I was born, we were born together".

I came across this quote awhile ago, but apologize as I don't remember where I found it. I thought this was an interesting idea about how birth is really the birth of both the mother and the baby.

In this life, we do all sorts of changing and learning and growing. I feel like there is nothing, though, that compares with the change we go through as we delve into motherhood. Nothing so completely takes over your life, or so completely changes your ideas of what joy and sorrow are. As I remember my own births and the births of the women I take care of, I recognize this as a time of transformation. This is where we begin the process of discovering what motherhood really means to us.

Birth Stories

As part of these birthing classes I am putting together, I want to have a day set aside to honor the woman who is becoming a mother. During this class I would love to be able to share positive birth stories that help uplift and inspire. As such, I would love if anyone would like to contribute to this. I have a few questions that I would like for anyone to answer. They are questions that are posed by Pan England in Birthing From Within.

1. What helped you most when you gave birth?

2. What was your spiritual experience of giving birth?

3. Is there anything you would do differently?

4. What do you wish you had known before hand?

5. If you could do it over again, what do you wish you could do the same?

You could answer one of these or all.

Motherhood and love

I took a bath today for the first time since I was laboring with the last of my children. As I sat there I recalled memories of my labors and soaking in the water to help relieve the pain. I realized that I consider my labors to be a blessing. Mostly because the pain and the trials and the comfort and the prayers are all mixed up in my mind with the joy and happiness of being a mother.

I think not only of the trials of birth, but the trials of motherhood also. Will I look back on this time also with feelings of satisfaction and joy? Even in the midst of difficulties and pain....I feel the love I have for my children and I am a peace.

I have heard of some women who resent their children for bringing upon them the pains of labor. And I feel sorry that such a joyous moment could be harrowed by such a sad thought. For them, I wish they did have the epidural. Or something that could help them feel the peace and joy I have felt. For me though, the pains of labor have taught me love. Or maybe it's love that allowed the pains of labor to become meaningful. Either way, as I sit and contemplate, I am once again filled with love for my children and the desire to be the best mother I can.

Experiencing the divine

"Just then a contraction hits Katey, and like a well-oiled machine her sisters jump into action. They are all pushing on her body at different strategic points, and as Katey growls and mumbles and digs down into her gut to survive the pain, everyone else is calling out from different corners of the room, 'You're doing it!' or 'That's awesome!' or 'Keep it up!' The cheering and pushing and growling continue for what seems like a couple of minutes, what must have seemed like eternity for Katey, and when it's apparent that the contraction has ended, the room immediately sinks right back into silence. No one talks. Every single person is focused on Katey's next move.

"This goes on for another hour and a half, because even though she is dilated to a nine a lip has formed at the cervix and is refusing to budge. Katey is miserable, her hair is completely soaked with sweat, and you can hear that her vocal chords are shredded from all the groaning. At one point during a contraction she yells, 'Please! PLEASE! JUST HELP ME!' And I want to cry, her mother is bawling, and everyone else is cheering, 'You can do this! YOU'RE DOING THIS! HANG IN THERE!'

"The rest of this story goes like many other birthing stories, because when it was time to push she pushed like a champion, and I happened to be one of the lucky ones in the room to have a view of the baby as she came out, first her head and then her right arm came flying out, like, 'Ta da! Here I am!' And then everyone in the room started crying. They named her Lily Blanche.

"But what I guess makes this story quite different than any other birth I've personally attended or seen is the reverence with which every single person in that room treated the experience. It was like church in there, and for the hour and a half that I witnessed it, I just couldn't believe it. It almost didn't seem real. And as much as it was Katey's experience and everything that she had hoped it would be, it's what she gave to the rest of us that I won't ever forget. Because we all had to come together, all four hundred and eighty of us, for her. We all gained something incredible from forming that community around her.

"And the courage that she showed, the endurance, the sheer power of getting through contraction after contraction, I was just so inspired, so touched to be so close to something so primal and raw and vulnerable as she was during those hours, so thankful that she let me be a part of it. And I knew I would never be the same person after having witnessed it."*

This made me cry:) To me the pain, the courage, the strength, the weakness, the joy, the connection, the divine....this is what birth is about. And I feel like somewhere we've lost that....somehow. Or perhaps we've never found it....perhaps it's like many things in life, we don't know what we have until it is missing.

I don't care, really, what choices we make in birth except for the fact that we need to make the choice to experience the Divine. If we're not doing that, then we've missed out.

*http://www.dooce.com/2009/07/27/labor-story-part-two/#comments-start

"stages" of labor

As I have been helping more women in labor, I have been formulating thoughts on stages of labor that have to do with how a woman emotionally deals with labor.  I think so often we focus on how far dilated someone is, that we forget to see how this experience is shaping a mom.  I see a lot of transformation happening at this time that could have the potentional to be very beneficial to the mom or very truamatic years down the road.  I will be posting these as I work through them and possibly revising them as I work with more women in birth.  I would love to hear anyone elses thoughts on this also.  

Birth preparation

I have finally decided, after all my blogging, what I feel birth preparation should entail.  There are three aspects that I feel really need to be included..the spirtual, the emotional, and the physical.  The physical part is so important to understand, but I feel like so often that is it is the only thing we learn.  We think so much about what happens to us physically (i.e. the pain, the dilation, how that baby actually gets here, safety of both mom and baby), that we forget about the other two equally important factors.  And I feel it's sad that so often these other elements are missing from our modern births.  I really think this has more to do with how we view birth rather than what kind of birth we actually have.

I also feel like it is important to recoginize this time as a time of transition and transformation.  Not only of a mother, but of a family unit.  I remember after I had my third child, they handed him to me while the cord was still attatched.  I was a little awed at that, thinking that that was what was connecting me to him.  Then it was cut, and I felt myself having to acknowledge that seperation.  I think this was a time when I felt that transformation more keenly than at any other time.  It serves as a reminder to me of our connections to our children and the constantly changing nature that they are. 

A different strength

Normally when we talk about strength and birth, we picture a woman braving it through the pains of labor, but I wanted to talk about a different kind of strength this time. Sometimes, when things don't go as planned, I see a look of defeat and hopelessness on the mothers part. Many times this happens when they are told that they are just not dilating enough and need a c-section. What amazes me though is how they move forward.

They move forward by continuing to even want to bear children. They shoulder their responsibility and don't let their trials pull them down. You can't tell me that a mother who goes through 24 hours of labor to only get a c-section is not brave or strong. Because they are. What is even neater is to see the ones who break out and decide that they will take charge of their next birth. They will seek other options. They will fight for what they believe to be their choices and options. The defeat is often turned into a victory that way.

It is my opinion that just choosing to carry and bear children requires a certain kind of strength in and of itself, regardless of how that baby arrives here. And then to continue to do so afterwards, once consequences and attitudes are in place, is even braver. I only wish those that feel defeated could see how truly strong they really are.

The journey of labor and birth

"Pregnancy and birth are natural physiological processes that open and move through a woman's body, mind and spirit. Pregnancy and birth are parts of the deeply personal and intimate journey involving every aspect of a woman's being. This journey can be a time of great vulnerability and a time of great empowerment.

As a midwife, I have seen birth in all her unfettered force... have seen, while looking into many a woman's eyes, in the midst of her lucid struggle, the eternal, universal recognition of her own
strength. I have witnessed many a woman shift from "I can't do this" to "I am doing this." I have witnessed brilliant-faced partners awed and transformed while infused and bathed in the glow of the mama's intense birthing energy. I have witnessed contractions, waves, primal rushes,
uterine pulses and mamas moaning, singing, resisting, rocking and rolling right into birthing their babies. I have witnessed babies, wet and warm, born into the welcoming arms of the eagerly awaiting family.

I can imagine no other beauty or grace, aside from mothering, to which I can commit myself. I walk this path with all my heart, with every cell in my body, one baby, one mama, one family at a time."*

I thought that this was a beautiful description of the journey we all take when we choose to bring children into this world. Birth is a transition time, and while this particular quote refers to a more natural birth, any birth could be considered a time of transition and a personal journey if we choose to make it one. So, take heart....this journey can be hard...full of pain, confusion and fear. But because of that it brings us the opportunity to overcome and become. Any thing that is really worth it is hard, but when you look back you realize how much it has meant to you.

I do realize that not all births are happy and wonderful:) The next time I post, I want to talk about c-sections and one woman's journey to find meaning in her births by c-section.

*Brenda Frankenfeld is a homebirthing, homeschooling, homeloving mother of
three lovely children, Cypress (15 years), Estrella (8 years) and Oliver (5
years), and partner with Mikey (42 years), four core inspirations on her
midwifery path. She is a proud student of Ancient Art Midwifery Institute
and currently offering her midwifery services to families in Northeast
Kansas.

I am a mountain climber

Bear with me for a little bit because I'm going to talk about mountain climbing first. I promise this has something to do with labor:)

Imagine you are climbing a very difficult mountain. There are numerous trails, it's pretty steep towards the top, and there are many times you just really feel like you can't make it. In fact there are times when you are absolutely sure you can't make it. You keep going though, because you've been told that the view on the top is spectacular. Like something you've never seen before or could describe. And you get to the top and you realize that it is true and you are so grateful you pushed your way up that hill.

Let's say as you are climbing your mountain you find out that, while you have been pushed beyond what you thought you could do, you did do it. After that mountain climb and after you've seen that spectacular view you take that knowledge with you for the rest of your life. You have the ability to overcome. Also as you are climbing, you see plants that you never saw before, new birds, and new flowers. While these things aren't necessarily as awe-inspiring as the top, they bring you joy as you move along and that too stays with you once you have finished your journey. There are little beauties in your struggles and new knowledge to gain all around you. As you were traveling, your spouse came with you. As you were climbing, he could not take away your struggles, but his gentle touch on your arm and his encouragement through it all brought you closer together as you worked to both see the view at the top. That too stayed with you after you got back down. It was something you could trust in...your spouse was there by your side to help you.

Labor has been a lot like climbing a mountain for me. While of course having a child at the end of the journey is the most wonderful thing to have, the journey itself has taught me a lot. Mostly because it is a journey of self-discovery and beauty, and how to find peace through the pain.