The value of Pain

In the LDS religion, pain and trials are seen as something that is valued. We believe that before this life we choose to come here and experience pain so that we could become more like our Heavenly Father. We believe that Eve knowingly made the choice to experience pain in mortality so that they could become more like God. Somehow experiencing pain, in the LDS view, is associated with becoming better people. From the last conference address, President Eyring expressed this view.

"The very opportunity for us to face adversity and affliction is part of the evidence of [Heavenly Father's and Christ's] infinite love. God gave us the gift of living in mortality so that we could be prepared to receive the greatest of all the gifts of God, which is eternal life. Then our spirits will be changed. We will become able to want what God wants, to think as He thinks....

"...we must be transformed through making righteous choices where that is hard to do. We are prepared for so great a trust by passing through trying and testing experiences in mortality. That education can come only as we are subject to trials while serving God and others for Him.

Henry B. Erying, "Adversity," Ensign, April 2009, 23

On the other hand, I don't think we would ever hear anyone teach that we should not try and avoid pain or adversity. I think the key here is not what kind of trials or pain we go through, but how we choose to experience them.

It's so hard to try and guess how the LDS population takes this perspective with them into childbirth. How do women/mother's view their childbirth experience as it pertains to learning from pain, and do they find any value in it? I'm not just talking about the whole epidural thing either, because let's face it, pregnancy and birth are hard work no matter what way you choose. In reality, motherhood could be faced with the same questions.

Does our view of pain influence how we view birth and how we choose to give birth? With our perspective of pain, do we gain anything from going through the trials of childbirth? I would be curious to see what others thought. I'll share some of my own thoughts from what I've seen in my next post. I would also direct anyone to see Jennifer Fulwiler's post that she shared in the comments section. It's truely beautiful for those who are of a more religious mindset. It is also and interesting example of how one's religion might effect their views of childbirth.

Facing the Giants

I just recently watched Facing the Giants, and through the whole thing couldn't help relating it to birth and motherhood. Essentially this is a movie about overcoming obstacles that seem bigger than you. It just so happened that I had just helped with a difficult labor/c-section the night before.

Here's what I came away with...much of what we experience in life can seem larger than us. I know, as a mom, there are days when I feel like there is no way I can do another day like the one I just had. In labor, I think we come to same conclusions. There is no way I can handle another contraction, there is no way I can push any longer. There is no way I can take care of this baby once I go home.

One of the things that we have to do during these times is depend on something larger than ourselves. If we feel that we are alone, then we feel small and unable to conquer. As a Christian, my faith in God helps a lot. For those that aren't Christian though, one of the greatest "power" we can have is our love for our children. If we can grab a hold of that and hang on, I really feel like that can help us to face our own giants.

The other thing that helps is realizing that facing our giants may have to be done in ways we aren't expecting. I had one mom that when faced with forceps/c-section, said a prayer, and pushed that baby right out. Another one I had when faced with the same situation, gave it all she had to the very last, but needed a c-section. Both faced their giants in different ways. One was able to deliver vaginally, the other had to face her fears of a c-section. Both were equally strong. And both were able to push themselves above what they thought was possible to overcome difficulties.

Soul searching

Some of the times I remember the most during my labors, is when I would start to feel lost, and my husband would look at me and pull me back in. I know he's told me he doesn't remember those times:). For some reason, though, they have always meant a lot to me. That and when a nurse I had one time, held my hand. It's funny the little things you remember. It's moments like these that I cherish about birth. I wonder if I would have thought much about it had I not gone through labor. It also makes me wonder if we were a little bit more aware of others and their own personal pain, could a simple hug or nod of encouragement mean something to them also. If we looked in their eyes would we see their need.....

As mothers, I wonder if we could do this more with our own spouses and children. How often do we take the time to search their souls to see what they truly need.

A different strength

Normally when we talk about strength and birth, we picture a woman braving it through the pains of labor, but I wanted to talk about a different kind of strength this time. Sometimes, when things don't go as planned, I see a look of defeat and hopelessness on the mothers part. Many times this happens when they are told that they are just not dilating enough and need a c-section. What amazes me though is how they move forward.

They move forward by continuing to even want to bear children. They shoulder their responsibility and don't let their trials pull them down. You can't tell me that a mother who goes through 24 hours of labor to only get a c-section is not brave or strong. Because they are. What is even neater is to see the ones who break out and decide that they will take charge of their next birth. They will seek other options. They will fight for what they believe to be their choices and options. The defeat is often turned into a victory that way.

It is my opinion that just choosing to carry and bear children requires a certain kind of strength in and of itself, regardless of how that baby arrives here. And then to continue to do so afterwards, once consequences and attitudes are in place, is even braver. I only wish those that feel defeated could see how truly strong they really are.

Defining Motherhood

"Motherhood is giving up the selfish part of ones being so love and knowledge can flow from Mother to child unhindered."*

This was an answer to a question I posted on my facebook group about the defination of a mother.  I have found so often that all a mother is defined as, is one who gives birth to a child. That bugged me.  It's not only that, and it's not even that sometimes.  But I loved this definition of motherhood posted by a friend, and I love the idea it brings in.  

As mothers we give up things, quite a bit.  It seems to me that pregnancy and birth is just the beginning of that journey.  We are pretty much forced to give up many things at this time...looks, comfort, our idea of who we are.  Of course during labor we give up many of those same things, whether it's natural or not.  This is were it starts, this is the beginning of our testing ground or should I say molding ground.  

Of course labor and birth don't have to be experienced to start this process.  I think of couples I know who can't have children.  What kind of molding is going on with them?  What kind of tests are they facing of their own that chips off those selfish ideas within us?  The same goes for those who are trying to adopt.  The fact is, all these things start the process of ridding ourselves of selfish thoughts or desires.  I think it is really up to us to utilize these times to become the mothers we can become.  

I think most people will tell you that by successfully navagating these waters, they have developed love and knowledge which can then be passed down to our children.  Yes, even the pains and difficulties of labor can develop these virtues.  

Of course this is just the beginning.  We continue throughout motherhood to develop these ideals and pass them on to our children.  And hopefully at the end of it all, our love and knowlege will help to define their own love and knowledge in a path that never ends.

*You can find this quote at http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=43960909365&topic=6952

Strength

When I have told people that I give birth without an epidural, I often hear the comment ,"Wow, you must be strong", or "oh, I'm not that strong", and this has lead me to contemplate what strength really is. When I think of strong people, I think of people who have had to make difficult decisions. People who choose to go a certain direction, or act a certain way in the face of great hardships to achieve a greater outcome.

In truth, I don't feel like I am much stronger than any other women giving birth. Pregnancy, giving birth, and motherhood all are difficult decisions that require great physical and mental sacrifice. Yet I think most mothers would agree, that these sacrifices are worth it. The decision to become a mother, requires great strength. For me experiencing labor has sent me on a journey of self discovery and truth that I have come to value. So much so that, yes, I choose to experience that pain. But through that pain I have gained understanding. So my strength does not necessarily come from being able to withstand pain, but valuing the experience and understanding what I gain from that. Our strength as mothers could be the same.