New Beginnings Doula Training

New Beginnings Doula Training
Courses for doulas and online childbirth education

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Childbirth choices-what good decision did you make?

"S: You said you were not a self caretaker – can you think back and think of one moment when you were?
me: (thoughtful) – well…I guess the only time I can think of is when I asked my midwife to break my water. I needed it to be over and I knew that breaking my water would at least make it go faster.
S: Yes. That took a lot of courage.
me: I process this statement – courage? is that true for me? I think back…
me: yeah, it did take a lot of courage. the labor pain was so intense I was fearful – so it did take a lot of courage to ask for my water to be broken knowing that it would increase that pain. Craig had told me to ask her to break my water earlier but I knew I couldn’t do it at that point because I was so afraid.
me: peace floods my being. I did have a moment of being a warrior – even if fleeting.
That moment took less than 5 minutes but it changed me. The feelings of regret, sadness, only feeling lucky…gone. I KNOW that in each of my birth experiences I had a warrior moment. I accept that I am human who makes mistakes, takes my body for granted and can have unspoken expectations of others that can lead to disappointment…I am human. I am a courageous human who believed in her body, who did most of the right things and needed all of my experiences to make me a loving, caring and understanding doula."

I loved this experience of this mom.  In labor, there are many times when we feel fearful or that we did something wrong.  There are times when we feel we caved, or behaved badly.  Questions often filter through women's minds, "Was I too noisy", "Why did I say I would do that", "if only I had done this".  Often times we look back and think of everything we wish we did or could have done.   

I would love for every women to think of one moment in her birth where she felt she did something right.  It may have been a certain position you decided to choose.  It may have been a moment when you understood what it was you needed to do.  It may have been saying no to an intervention.  It may have been saying yes when you had originally intended not to have anything.  What ever it is, I think it's important that we find these moments these are "our" moments.  These are the moments that help us understand who we are and who we can become.

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Birth is a Journey: Does it have to be life changing?

  • One woman might have to climb on an overfilled boat, risking her life and nearly dying as she escapes over the ocean to come to this land. This experience could certainly be life altering. It may very well color the rest of her life, positively or negatively. (I overcame this amazing struggle and here I am triumphant! OR Holy crap, that was SO hard I don’t know if I can go on! By the way, neither response is “right”. No one would judge the woman with the 2nd response.)
  • One woman may buy an airplane ticket, sit on a comfortable 747 and fly to America with a nice smooth flight and landing. She is happy to be in America. Those welcoming her are glad she is here safe and sound. She may only travel by plane 2-4 times in her life, so it is pretty memorable. But the journey itself probably wouldn’t be life changing; it would simply be a journey.
  • One woman may learn to fly an ultra-light plane to lead a flock of geese into America teaching them to migrate. This experience could certainly be empowering and life altering.