Forgiveness

For those of us who have bad experiences with labor and delivery, it can be hard and bitter to remember. My last birth was one that was not so optimal. I harbor a lot of hard feelings towards the doctor who ended up delivering my baby. He was taken away from me early and I felt that loss of attachment later on and it really hurt me emotionally. I have struggled with my ill feelings towards those involved with that birth. So this post is a way for me to heal and forgive.

I don't agree with how the doctor had me push (I was on my back). I don't like the fact that he pulled my baby and placenta from me. I don't like how he was taken away from me before I could even see him and there was nothing wrong with him ( his apgar scores were 8 and 9). It hurts me now to think about it because it hurt me so much then. My greatest joy after going through so much pain is to have my little one close to me and hold him. That was taken from me. But,..... the doctor who ended up delivering me was providing care for me on call..he had never met me, yet he chose to do this. He had been trained in a school of thought that getting the baby out was the best possible thing. The nurses were doing what they felt was best, and I did get to nurse my baby within the first hour. I am healthy; my baby is healthy. These were good people who delivered my child. And I forgive them. I don't want to harbor ill feelings anymore.

The more I think about it, the more I am struck with the fact that these really are good people, just misinformed. And I want to do my part in providing better care for others.