A journey of transformation

This is an essay that was e-mailed to me. I have been meaning to share it for sometime, but have wanted to find the right way of adding this on. For right now, I'm just going to share as is. With the thought that as with all things, our journey can come from unexpected places, times, or situations. But it is through these journey's that we become transformed. It is how we find meaning in our lives.

Here is the e-mail I recieved...it is about giving birth at home, but I felt like it could apply to other situations as well.

"I had, shall we say, a "rough" childhood, and went through many trials as a teenager and a young adult. I never had anyone to turn to, or to trust, or even that I felt really cared about me. I ended up being the kind of person that only trusts in herself, and I never learned to trust other people. I am also very emotionally reserved, and I find it hard to be open with and loving towards other people. I struggle with being physically affectionate with even my teenager. But this is changing...

Since I am learning to trust myself physically, I am discovering I am learning to trust myself emotionally. You might say, Wait, you just said you trusted in yourself? Well, I guess that's not entirely true. I believed I only had myself to rely on and I was the only one that could be counted on the give me the truth and to find the answers. I guess that's the part of me that led me to natural birth - I had to find a better way, and I was the only one that could do it. But I never realized that I have been protecting part of me from the rest of the world, and sometimes even myself. In learning to trust my body, I am learning to trust my heart. Okay, that sounds *totally* gay.

But seriously, you are witnessing the transformation of someone from a person who suffered anxiety and depression, had no friends, who was overweight, abused, and lacked self-confidence, to a person who is learning to love herself, and also love others. I am learning how to feel, in many more ways than one. Sometimes it hurts, actually, to feel sad things and feel empathy for other people. But it's a good thing I think.

I feel like I was another person, and I've been slowly changing into someone new, and I feel like that change is becoming more real to me. It's like buying a new pair of shoes - they feel awkward at first, but then one day you realize that they're starting to be comfy."