New Beginnings Doula Training

New Beginnings Doula Training
Courses for doulas and online childbirth education

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Replacing fear with love

If any have read the Secret Garden, you know about the invalid, Colin who stayed in his room all day because he thought he was going to die. Once he learned to see otherwise, he learned to go outside, walk, and find great joy.

“So long as Colin shut himself up in his room and thought only of his fears and weakness and his detestation of people who looked at him and reflected hourly on humps and early death, he was a hysterical half-crazy little hypochondriac who knew nothing of the sunshine and the spring and also did not know that he could get well and could stand upon his feet if he tried to do it. When new beautiful thoughts began to push out the old hideous ones, life began to come back to him, his blood ran healthily through his veins and strength poured into him like a flood. … Much more surprising things can happen to any one who, when a disagreeable or discouraged thought comes into his mind, just has sense to remember in time to push it out by putting in an agreeable determinedly courageous one. Two things cannot be in one place."

The Secret Garden (1987), 338–39.

The one thing, above all else, that can replace fear is love. I had one mom tell me that when she was pregnant she couldn't imagine ever going through that again and she even began to wonder why women go through this in the first place. She ended up having to have a c-section, but when she first heard her baby cry, she understood why mothers continue to choose motherhood. It is difficult to describe the immense amount of joy that fills you as a new baby is born. You know at once that you love this child. I think of that as I begin labor and the fear of pain or other problems come into my mind. I hold onto that. The immense love and joy you feel at having a new child.

I think even those who haven't yet experienced that can find that same love and joy within their own lives and hold onto that. Even if it is only just a hope to feel that love. Hold on to that thougt as fears surround you. Hold onto the thought that there is a perfect love to be realized and let that thought engulf you. It is a nice feeling to think of also that this love I have felt for my children, someone has and still feels for me.

1 comment:

Gutierrez Family said...

Hey Rachel, just stopping by your blog to say you're awesome and I love you! -Nicole

Birth is a Journey: Does it have to be life changing?


  • One woman might have to climb on an overfilled boat, risking her life and nearly dying as she escapes over the ocean to come to this land. This experience could certainly be life altering. It may very well color the rest of her life, positively or negatively. (I overcame this amazing struggle and here I am triumphant! OR Holy crap, that was SO hard I don’t know if I can go on! By the way, neither response is “right”. No one would judge the woman with the 2nd response.)
  • One woman may buy an airplane ticket, sit on a comfortable 747 and fly to America with a nice smooth flight and landing. She is happy to be in America. Those welcoming her are glad she is here safe and sound. She may only travel by plane 2-4 times in her life, so it is pretty memorable. But the journey itself probably wouldn’t be life changing; it would simply be a journey.
  • One woman may learn to fly an ultra-light plane to lead a flock of geese into America teaching them to migrate. This experience could certainly be empowering and life altering.