New Beginnings Doula Training

New Beginnings Doula Training
Courses for doulas and online childbirth education

Friday, August 8, 2008

On the topic of love

While I have found a great connection to my children after giving birth, I know not all women do. And, it's not like kids are easy to love all the time anyways, so I wanted to explore this topic a little bit more.

There was a talk I heard by a young man that was talking about how we develop love. He was not a father yet and was talking about how he did not quite understand how a mother could love a child. All they do is cry, and whine, and are pretty troublesome. But then he went on to talk about how mothers serve their children, and that it is through service that we develop our love.

I tend to agree, but it has to be a selfless service. I know there are times when I offer service, but all I'm thinking about is how annoyed I am that I have to do this. Well, needless to say, my love for my family was not strengthen that day:) There are times, though, as I work to serve my family and children, that I look at it from a different point of view. Much of it has to do with how I choose to view it. If I am doing the dishes (which I hate) and I am thinking about how I really don't want to be doing this, and why do I have to do all the work around here, much of that negativity rubes off on how I feel about my family. On the other hand, if I think about the fact that I am doing the dishes because I want to help my family and that I love them, I feel much better about them and the whole process.

Back to labor...it can work much the same way. If you are going through labor, focusing mainly on how much you hate this process, that your body is betraying you, that the nurses, MD, etc. have no clue how to really help you, those feelings will continue and the process will become infused with them. This can incidentally, also lead to labor slowing down, and an increased use of interventions. But if you can put yourself in the mind set that you are doing this for your baby, that your are experiencing this pain and difficulties for your child, it gives it more meaning and a greater appreciation and love for the one you are doing this for.

Interesting how our thoughts and emotions can effect labor as well as beyond as we continue on in motherhood. If we can focus on serving and love, overall, our experience as mothers will be more fulfilling.

1 comment:

Nancy said...

These are very insightful thoughts. Thank you for sharing them!

Nancy

Birth is a Journey: Does it have to be life changing?


  • One woman might have to climb on an overfilled boat, risking her life and nearly dying as she escapes over the ocean to come to this land. This experience could certainly be life altering. It may very well color the rest of her life, positively or negatively. (I overcame this amazing struggle and here I am triumphant! OR Holy crap, that was SO hard I don’t know if I can go on! By the way, neither response is “right”. No one would judge the woman with the 2nd response.)
  • One woman may buy an airplane ticket, sit on a comfortable 747 and fly to America with a nice smooth flight and landing. She is happy to be in America. Those welcoming her are glad she is here safe and sound. She may only travel by plane 2-4 times in her life, so it is pretty memorable. But the journey itself probably wouldn’t be life changing; it would simply be a journey.
  • One woman may learn to fly an ultra-light plane to lead a flock of geese into America teaching them to migrate. This experience could certainly be empowering and life altering.