Transformation

My 5 year old loves transformers right now. I remember liking them too when I was little. It was cool how this big old robot could become something in disguise. I was just thinking about this as I thought on this topic--how we too are able to transform.

It has been on my mind lately. I thought back to a class that I had in college on death and dying. My teacher got up the first day and ask us to close our eyes and imagine an image of ourselves looking at us. Full of love and approval. That image has stayed with me except now it has become much more than that. I don't know if I could describe it, but my image that I think on is of someone who is me but has become all I ever could be, with an enormous amount of love for me and those around her. So, much love that it is hard to imagine--and that thought fills me.

It is an image of a perfected me. Yet, that thought doesn't make me run or hide my head in embarrassment. To often the idea of perfection makes us feel hopelessly out of reach, but for some reason, this one doesn't'. Instead I feel full of hope that I will someday become this person. That someday the love she now shows to me, I can give to those around me. Ok, so there are some days when I'm being particularly grouchy and that image stays stuffed in a corner. But, it eventually resurfaces and still loves me and strengthens me.

I figure to become this person will not be easy and it will hurt, it always hurts to change, but in the end I will become the woman I want to become. Becoming a mother has been on that path...I'm not sure I would have understood her love without it, but that's for another post.