The joys we choose

Ok, so I'm sitting here at 4am after waking up with a fussy child, and I can't go back to sleep. As a result, I think...maybe a little too much:) I wonder about the wonderful children we have and what makes them so beautiful to me. How can I love something so much that gives me so much anguish sometimes? It is difficult to explain to someone the joys of motherhood who just doesn't see it the same way you do. It's so easy to make a list of the horrible things about being a mom.....no sleep, no thank-you, giving constantly, working to keep things together, mentally exhausted, tantrums, fights....the list could go on and on, So, why in the world do I choose to do this.

Here's one reason why....the other night my daughter came to me in tears....bawling...asking me to please not get mad at her. I gave her a hug and told her no matter what happened I would always love her. So she told me the horrible news. She had LIED to me:) (I had known about this..she is actually a pretty good liar). And she felt horrible. She couldn't sleep at all because she had been thinking about it. And I....I wanted to jump up and shout for joy. I was so happy that she 1) felt like she was safe and could confess this to me, 2) understood that what she did was wrong 3) something I was teaching her was getting through to her. Funny, the joys of motherhood huh, but I had to pull myself together and actually think of a punishment for her:) We hugged and talked and enjoyed just being with each other after that. But even the joy of that story can't put it all into words about the joy that comes from motherhood.

I often feel the same way about birth and pregnancy. I think we all know the list of things that is difficult with that one. But here's the cool thing....you are creating life. Life. A sacred child, that you soon learn to love and adore, is growing and starting it's life within your own. With each day of pain, nausea, exhaustion, loss of self and sleep, a new life is being formed and we are allowed to be a part of that. That amazes me.

And to me, the fact that we are giving birth, is more important than how we give birth. My experience of natural child birth, has made me reflect more on that than anything, but I don't think it should be exclusive to giving birth without drugs. I wonder though, if the power of birth and life would mean as much to me if I hadn't given birth naturally. I understand pain so differently now, as well as sacrifice...would that have changed? I'll never know. We live the lives we've chosen. But all I can say is, I'm grateful to be a mother, and I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned through the trials of pregnancy, labor, birth, and motherhood. I'm grateful for the joys of bringing life into this world and the joys of continuing to shape and mold those lives. It's indescribable.